Hi Hope! Im at work again tonight (hence 4am)Hey, by the way, where is everyone? I hope you're having a better day today. Hang in there. H moving out may be a really good thing. I initally hated it, but eventhough I miss H very much, the physical separation has allowed me to focus on myself without being distracted by him. The downside of course is having to shoulder extra responsibility for the kids and work around the house. The kids help cut grass and little things, but you're right, I need to call on H more often when things need getting done. Why should I shoulder EVERYTHING he left behind? Its just encouraging him to run from his responsibilities even more. It does make you feel jealous and resentful, and I plan to find more excuses and days for him to take the kids so I can be a little free to "find myself" too. It should be a win- win for me and the kids (as long as he doesnt have OW around) because they miss their dad so much.
OK, as far as the house, we own together. When H asked for D on 7-4, he said he would not leave me "high and dry" and would let me have the house and everything in it except for his collectibles (NASCAR model cars ,posters, and stock car tires dont fit in with the overall decor of the house anyway. lol) He also said he'd pay half our credit card balance . The last of his paychecks was deposited into our account 8-31, but he is going to pay $600/mo "child support". The house is 5yr old and nice neighborhood, but high maintenance. He's been frustrated with it, and with the poor housing market, I wouldnt be surprised to take a loss on it. So real generous of him to give me the house. I talked with atty Friday she says each party should pay toward mortgage either based on who is primary resident (I would pay 75% and he would pay 25%) OR we would pay based on our incomes (me 51% him 49%). I guess it depends on judge. If TX is a "fault" , you'd be crazy not to consult your own atty. MO is a "no fault" state, so A and even the fact that he is doing it in front of kids will have little bearing on any judges decision unless he is a chronic, repeated adulterer. So until the house is officially in my name, I will demand additional financial help from him, but it will probably push him to have his name taken off the loan very quickly, then what? I think I can afford to pay on my own, as long as I receive child support. I may not even have to increase my hours (I work avg 30hr/week) Ill just have to cut back on some extras. And being a nurse , there's always opportunity to pick up extra shifts if needed. I am just concerned about credit card balance - I want that paid up asap. Im the one who always handled the finances, I have excellent credit scores, so If I have to refinance mortgage in my name I hope to get similar rate (currently 5.5%) Funny, since I know exactly how much H nets/mo, I kind of figured what his bills would be per month, including child support and estimated he would have only $600/mo left to pay his house rent (I dont know what it is ) and any "extras", you know, like beer, chew, and a good time here and there. hee hee. But Im sure OW is helping in some way - D11 says she buys alot of groceries and "cooks and bakes cakes for daddy all the time". Funny, my H rarely likes to eat sweets as long as Ive known him. Did your H voluntarily offer to pay half of mortgage and taxes, or did you insist? I need to learn to be stronger and take a stand.
Yes, I always make sure hair and make up is done.And lost 20lb since he left 6-19, but its not good. Im 5'7" and now only 110lb. Lot of friends family concerned about my physical wellbeing,just unable to eat. I tried, but made me sick. Im getting better, though. Trying to eat healthy and drinking ensures for extra calories. H told me a couple times I look terrible - too skinny - but "dont get me wrong, you're a beautiful woman, you just need to take care of yourself". GEE, thanks for your concern. Sounds like you are purposely trying to lose wt - how are you doing it? 20lb so far? Go girl!
As far as OW's H. My H did phone police on one occasion and advised I do same because he doesnt want "that freak around my kids". I spoke my concern about possible danger and the need to keep kids out of it. He apologized for making it sound like he was only concerned about kids safety and not mine. I told him I DID take it that way and I not appreciative for us being in middle of this, but kids do not feel threatened by OW's H-they like him! Remember, we've been playing ball for at least 5 years. I can't legally keep kids from going over to H place. But I call to check on them every evening and/or they call me. It is very disturbing though.
Keep your head up. You seem very wise and experienced, and it's been about 1 month longer for me than you!We take a few steps back at times, but we cant always know how to do something right unless we do it wrong the first time around. Yes, God is working on them as well as us- God's working on a marriage. "What God has put together, let no man put asunder". And consider this quote I found on another thread : "He put 15 years into our marriage before he gave up, so Im certainly not going to give up after 3 months. "
