You are right about the kids not wanting to live it with us; I know that my kids had a hard time, and I wish I had been stronger for them. I am grateful that I made it through to wear I have to be, now.
I miss my parents a lot. As messed up as mom was, it has been hard being without her or other close family. My dad.....he was always so strong. I don't know if he would have killed x, or if this would have killed him. He always looked at x as his own son. We were dating less than a year when we were "found out;" my dad's princess having sex at 16. Instead of going ballistic, this giant man, 6'4", 300+ pounds, just hugged me. Knew that we loved each other, and got my mother to calm down. He could have handled it in such a different way....
I worry now about my other family....blood to x. My inlaws have chosen to stand by me, but he is their son. It is so hard for them, and has placed a lot of strain on the extended family. I know it would be easier for all of them if I just disappeared. I don't know if x will ever forgive me, since he can't see that he did this to himself.
I have had to build my own family and support network. My aunt and cousin (although I didn't want to dump this on them all the time), other close friends, support groups and AlAnon......and you all, here. Don't know what I would have done without you all.
