Hi Daisy...I knew he wouldn't have said yes and I think it was best if I didn't ask. I wanted to go to prove to him that I can be calm cool and relaxed Jen. I need to show him that I'm not going to flip out at him again in a public place. This may take a while to prove because after 10 years of acting a certian way it going to be difficult for him to believe any changes.
Well, little by little. Rome wasn't built in a day!!! lol
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Yeah I don't think it was a major backslide maybe a babystep backwards...nothing serious. Back to darkness.
I think my short term plan (2 to 3 weeks)is to get him comfy with me alone (which means no R talk and no mentioning what happened in the past) so that he gets comfortable being around me. Then working my way up to little places with him and D such as the park or club (once again no R talk and no past events and staying calm) then getting back to going to a movie or eating out alone. I've been trying to jump to going places such as parties with him and that's too much too fast and also leads to over stepping boundaries.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
So xh came by around 8:30pm to get D for the night. He brought the goodies from the Baby Shower (cookies and cupcakes yummy). I told him that I was sorry for asking if I could go today and he said there was nothing to apologize for He told me that they were going to cut cake for his friends birthday tonight at 12 but said he wasn't going back to the party. He was his normal self.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
So today is Sunday and xh had D today. They went to the club for her swimming lesson and then I spoke to him around 11:30am and asked if he could come and get me. He said "I'll come and get you but I won't stay in the club. You can stay with D" So I told him never mind it's just that I was bored and was thinking we could all be there. He didn't want to. Ok that's his choice but then he started telling me that 2 weeks ago when he said I was on my own he meant it and didn't want to be embarressed again and would only spend time with me in public when he "had" to. I got off the phone and cried for about 2 hours.
I went to the drugstore and bought St. John's Wort which I decided after Internet research I was going to try. I don't want to go on prescribed ADs but I figured I would give the natural remedy a try.
So then around 3:30pm I got a phone call from xh telling me to please remember to put sunscreen in Ds bag from now on. Only last week he told me he wasn't using it because she wasn't burning at all and was in the water before he had a chance to get it on her ao I took it out of the bag. I was thinking WTF...he had to call me for that which couldn't wait til he dropped her off???
At about 7pm he called again and said he was going to pick up Burger King to eat "at home" and did I want a Whopper. They arrived at 7:30pm and we sat as a family and ate and talked about Ds swimming this morning and school which begins tomorrow. He wanted to know what time I was bringing her and it was decided that we'd all go for her first day.
He said he had a confession to make...which was that he had D went back to the Baby Shower but by then it was a Birthday Party.
I was trying to figure out what to do about my course in the evenings now that D is starting school. I told xh that maybe my student could come to the apartment to have class and he said "that might work because I'm not around to bug you" to which I replied "I'd rather if you were around to bug me" We both looked sad.
D got ready for bed and we sat on the sofa and chatted then he tucked her in while I tidied up a little. He was getting ready to leave and we kissed goodbye and he said "te quiero" we kissed again and he said "sorry for this afternoon" and I said "I shouldn't be asking to go places" and he said "it's not the asking but it has to be like this". Then he said "I don't hate you, you know?" I said I know. We kissed again and I said "te quiero tambien" and he left. (I was taken aback by the "I'm sorry" and didn't validate it...next time he apologizes I will)
So who's more confused me, him or you guys...help.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
He told me that they were going to cut cake for his friends birthday tonight at 12 but said he wasn't going back to the party. He was his normal self.