my story

[123snap]

So I have been pretty sad the last 2 days, cried a lot, screamed a little only when alone in the car, did a little non DB stuff, but really not too bad. Today I got brave and told H he can't come here every morning and then hang out, like he has the last 2 days, that it is too hard on me. He said he understood. H said he is still going to help out, as long as I want him to, with stuff around the house, but he won't just show up every morning and leave when the kids go to bed and when he has something else to do. I was hard to say that, but I think we needed to do it. He wants the separation so then we need to separate. I have been reaching out in all directions to get support. I am breathing easier. I am trying hard not to try and think too far out in the future, one day at a time.

I talked with H tonight and said we really need to work hard to stay friends for the kids sake, I was talking with my neighbor, she is divorced, and her and her x aren't friendly and she said it is so hard and she wishes she could change that more than anything.

I am still sad, when H left tonight, he looked back at me and said don't look at me like that, I said like one I'm just looking, and he said it makes me feel bad, I swear I was just looking, no tears or anything. I think it is okay for him to feel bad, this is a big deal.

I am going to try real hard and not contact him tomorrow, the kids can call if they need to or want to, but I am not going to.