Max...this is just my impression, but it seems that maybe you don't really "get" that your husband isn't the one who had an affair, YOU are. Please don't take that in a horrible way...its just that, well, can't you just try to realize how hurt he is? How justified he feels in his pain and anger? How you sleeping with your friend's husband is the catalyst to all of this?
I know you do take responsibility, and you are truly repentant and you truly want your husband back...but maybe the only way for you to get him back is to accept the consequences of your actions? Accept that he is so hurt that you did this, he may never come back.
I know he contributed to the marital problems, too. He is not blameless at all, I'm not saying that.
Its just that you seem to be struggling to accept this natural consequence and you are fighting it and wondering "how can he do this to me?"
Maybe instead you should say "wow, maybe I've really lost him", and then move forward from THERE....stop the roller coaster by coasting down into the end of the ride....accept these new terms of your relationship (that he appears to be ready to move on now)....and just go from THERE and stop trying to "scream and shake him up". What point is there in this screaming and shaking?
You woke up from your fog and you ran home to him. That is good, and it shows you ultimately were not the total WAW that you may have been at one time.
But you waking up from your fog does not excuse what has happened and it does not make your husband have to accept you back, now that you've run home and are fogfree.
Gosh I really fear my words are going to come across much harsher than I intend....I am not berating you, I'm just stating what I am seeing as an outsider. To me, it is very clear that your H feels he is justified in leaving you, and his reasons are sound....you don't seem to have much choice but to see this for yourself, too.
I hope you are somehow comforted in this, though....I'm not saying he will never come back. I still think there is hope. I just think you need to accept the consequences first.
