Hi jgrind, it was such a rough night. Appreciate your input. I was really overcome with stress/sadness/and absolute pain in my heart... H came home about 5 am. drinking but not drunk and proceeded to talk to me to about 6 am. Still has not told D he is moving end of the month. Keeps talking about how the girls will hate him. This is sooo stupid. I don't even want to stay in this house -- it is like a funeral. He was saying his new place is going to be very small (500+ square feet) like I am supposed to be sorry. I am jealous he gets to just walk out and I have to stay here and be the "grownup" while he finds himself. He did mention that I have been "nice" to him but he will see how it is later (meaning when he asks for Divorce), then he will see how I am. He said you know we can do a D with just one lawyer and mediator -- as long as we agree. So I tell him -- that's right, I understand you are unhappy, but instead of working on the marriage -- you go out and have an A, then we go to a counselor to work on the marriage and instead you use it to tell me "we are over and I hurt you too much" and now you want me to go along with a D and "be fair". I told him in Tx there is fault divorce, and if this is what he wants, then I need to see what my own atty for advice. Since he made these choices, I have to protect myself, which is fair to me. He did not like it and was upset but I want him to understand how a D will affect him both financially and stress wise.
Well we get up this morning and he asks me to go to breakfast! We went out to Ihop and he compliments me on losing weight (20 and counting), and we talk about an old vacation etc. I asked a couple questions about his new apt, washer/dryer (since I don't plan on him washing his clothes here), etc, just to act like I am interested and he says I will bring you over there one day (this is under suggestion of coach to be friend). It actually went well -- now of course he went to get money and cigs (I am sure he is calling ow)
I haven't spoke too much with family and friends about situation, since like your parents will tell you how wrong. I need to make my own decision on this as it unfolds. So your H comes over and stays -- I think you have to use that as a positive. Do you own the house together and if so why is he not 1/2 responsible for the mortgage unless you are getting the house. My H is going to pay 1/2 mort/ins/taxes on both house and lot we bought last year. That figure comes to $2100/month with D's expenses. I don't think it will hit him for about 2/3 months since he never had to live on a budget before. He is in lala land with finances, but if he wants 1/2 profit with house when we sell he has to pay now, can't afford by myself even though I don't make a bad pay being sv. eng.
Do not feel awkward in your own home seeing H. Use as an opportunity of what he is missing. We need to stop being victims here. Ask him for help with the mowing, or some household repair that maybe S would help him with. Get him involved in his old life. I am already thinking about what I am going to ask H to do when he moves. Want H to participate in our life and maybe miss it - maybe not. When H comes around do you do your hair/makeup? I NEVER did on the weekends but this morning I looked in the mirror and felt like hell, fixed my hair, and put makeup on - but H noticed. As for OW and her H -- just keep telling your H that maybe he should go to police and then change the subject. Don't get into his drama. Also with the OW H being so crazy is there any risk to your kids with them going there? Something to consider with H. We both have many years invested in this. Lets see how it plays out. I have to believe that God is working on both of our H's. He is knocking and hopefully they will open that door and listening. I know everytime I try and "fix it" I make it 100x worse. I need to step back and GAL. Also I was impressed with you putting on the calendar for H to see about your gym/kick boxing. Good DB - also wonder what your S alluded about that H is hiding something? hmmm I did really like "The Women", but of course I was crying during it. Meg was strong and hopefully we will get the same results. I loved the D in it and how she gave the OW a hard time. She was great. I could see my D doing something like that. too much. Take care Want to thank everybody for their support. This will be hell week next 9 days and counting.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
