I hope the nightmares end. It is strange b/c H had a 6 week E/PA in 2003. It was a different experience for me b/c it was short term, I didn't know her, I never even saw her face, just talked on the phone to her a couple times and knew her name. She wasn't the great love of H's life, etc etc. I say it is strange b/c if he went to her town now on a business trip I wouldn't be the least bit concerned. I haven't even thought about the possibility of him speaking to her in at least 3 years....
But this time, it was "on" for over a year. He was caught many times and continued the A to the point of separation and plans for divorce, of us living in different places, him actually telling our then-5-yr-old son that we were not going to be living together any more. It was much more "real".
I also knew her and considered her a friend. I also caught them in the hotel so I had the mental images I didn't have the first time, etc. etc. I hope that time makes this one less significant in a lot of ways.
And yet, bc it was much more "Real" for me, I think that is why I am doing the hard work this time that we didn't do last time. Last time it was easier to sweep it under the rug and pray it never happened again, while never addressing what brought us to that point. H said he "didn't know" why he did it, and I stopped pressing for more than that.
I guess that is the lesson I would pass on to "newbies". Don't let it go, sweep it under the rug, etc. just b/c they come "back" and say it is "over". B/C even if the A is truly over, the issues that led to it are probably still there. So it could happen again...
Just saying I am not "glad" this happened, I don't think I will EVER be glad it happened. But I am glad I have learned more from this experience than the last time.......
