Digging in

[hopeful4her]

Funny how you and I are in similar places. Up and down as usual.

I read on your last thread how in all other aspects of your life, fearless. I hear ya'. I posted before how I am such a strong person, reliable. People come to me for a strong shoulder. A lot of people look up to me. Always have.

But the wife can bring me to my knees. And it don't take much. I can't stand how I let her affect me. I don't let her see it, but when I'm alone. Thinking. Crying. Not constant, but I have my moments. Instead of dealing with it, I tend to occupy myself with people that I shouldn't be. But I try.

And the drinking. I'm drinking a hell of a lot more than I used to. A couple years ago, I decided to stay away from the bottle after an incident. Just beer. Socially. Now I'm drinking again. Seems like every Friday, going out and getting plastered and getting home at 3 or 4am. Nothing last night. Movie and dinner last night alone. Couple drinks.

Like you, I go back and forth on wanting to keep fighting and giving up on her. Ultimately, we keep fighting.