It all sounds very neat how you're creating time with your kids. Thanks for sharing about missing the kids, did the tears help? I find I will be open emotionally then clam up and stuff it all down.. it cycles. Know you are loved.
One thought.. it sounds like you're doing the opposite of many things that your wife instituted. Is that because you never agreed with her, because you feel it's better for the kids or you want to be totally different?
I'm relearning how to parent with this change. Stuff I never would allow, I do. I've had to bend and learn when to stand firm. It gets easier with time though the underlying ache within my heart about the family being shredded often compelled me to give in where before I'd stand firm. Things are beginning to balance out.
Here's a story for you!
When my youngest was two, her older brothers (ages 6 and 10) thought it would be hilarious to teach her how to fart on command. My curl tousled sweetie learned quickly and would toddle over to her father, turn around, bend slightly and let out a squeaker. The boys got a big laugh out of it. The more they laughed, the more she did it to others.
One day they looked at me. "Mom, why aren't you yelling at us to stop doing this?" I returned their gaze with a smile and a twinkle and replied, "Because you are the ones who will teach her how to stop." They looked at me befuddled and went on having a great time.
Two years down the road, the boys would yell at her, disgusted by her musically gaseous emissions. She kept going because she was well taught. Although they probably never remembered our dialogue, it was a sweet quiet moment as they had to work hard to undo what they created.
