I'm very depressed tonight. I am at my parents house for the weekend so it has helped a little.
My ex SIL called me about going to a horse show with her next weekend, I can't go but her H is not going & that is my ex H's brother. We talked for a while & she said that the OW rushed my H in everything, divorce, move to another state, quitting his job & marrying her. She saw that he was vulnerable so she had to hurry up. My SIL also made the comment that she will stick around a while to see if they kick off before she or my H does, my BIL & SIL have money, & OW thinks they are leaving it to my H, they are not they are leaving it to a college. Or she said until another one comes along that has more money. She hasn't met the woman or even talked to her but this is her observation from things that are said. My H bragged on OW about watching money & how good she was with it! He did that with me for a while & then he got tried of me, he said she got her wedding dress at Goodwill.
She also told me that my H's brother told my H not to be mad at me that I wasn't worth it, that I was crap & didn't deserve him to even think about me. His brother is sticking with blood & he is only saying what my H has said about me. My SIL told me that it was MLC & that what he said some bad things about me but she said that he couldn't see what was wrong with him so he had to blame his wife, me! She didn't go into details about what he said but she didn't believe him but apparently his brother did.
She said they are both very busy working, that my H's cell phone changed at his work & he had OW call his brother to give him the new number. So, now I don't have it anymore. SIL also didn't know about another email address for my H, she only knows about the one that they share. I just asked her if he had another one she said she didn't know it if he did & I didn't tell her that I knew he had one.
It just really bummed me out, I'm not sure why. My SIL doesn't know if he is happy or not, I don't think he would tell them if he wasn't. She told me that he talked with his son's mother about his son (he's drinking) anyway I've been involved with that kid since he was 2 years old, I'm supposed to be apart of that!!
I'm just very upset, I miss my H, I miss our relationship, I miss everything about him!!!
I just had to let it out, my parents are so worried about me so I didn't want them to see me so upset.
So you and SIL are close but not with her H which is ex-h's brother, correct?
I am a little surprised she told you what her husband said about you.
And nobody has met ow????? Talk about keeping her locked in the closet??????
Do not be upset about any of this. It has nothing to do with you at all. I know, you are irked that BIL would even say such things but he is not worth it, IMO.
Keep doing what you are doing and seriously, you would not want your H back the way he is now. Allow God to take care of him.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Well, my SIL & I are ok. We have not been really close all these years, I'm very careful what I say to her but so far she doesn't want her H to know she is talking to me. I was actually closer to my BIL before all this happened but of course he is taking my ex H's side, my ex is the baby & whatever he says goes.
I asked her if she thought my ex was still upset with me, she said that her H had a heart to heart talk with him & told him that I wasn't worth him being angry at me. Of course he said some hateful things about me but he doesn't know he only knows what my ex has told him. We haven't been around them too much. They live in KY & we were in TN & now ex is in TX. My BIL went to the wedding. My ex was going to bring her to his 30 year high school reunion on the 19th of July but the 20th of July was the only time she could get the place for them to be married at 9am on a Sunday morning. I looked that place up & the calendar, there were plenty of other times, even 2 weeks later. So she fooled my ex, I'm sure. I know my BIL & SIL are supposed to go visit them in October, they have other friends in TX & are not just going to see them.
I'm trying to allow God to take care of this, but I just keep praying & praying & I still just keep getting so upset about all of this!
Thank you for being here tonight for me, I knew you would!!!
Your husband will pay for the things he has done. Maybe not in our lifetime, then again, only God knows.
Like I said, if he has changed, which it sounds like he probably did as a result of ow and what he is doing, you do not want him the way he is now. You probably would not recognize him as being the same man you married!
Sad, but true.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
N, I'm sorry that you had to hear such comments by your xSIL. I don't know what she was thinking or hoping to accomplish by telling you such things. That is mean and hurtful. She should have kept those comments under her roof and not told you about them. Yes, you are still communicating w/her, but the conversations need to be kept above the MLC level. You need to remember that a dog that brings a bone will carry one. You just don't know what she carries back to her h.
From what I've read this morning, it sounds like the ow is a gold digger and is out only for money. Little does she know, there may not be any left when he's completed his walk through his crisis. As for your h, you wouldn't want him back in your life right now the way he is. You are far too good of a person to have to put up w/his nonsense, the ow and your xSIL telling you about the conversations.
In the future, try to keep the conversations light and airy, no talk of what they are doing. The less you talk about it, the less you'll hear about all of the ugly details. He will have to pay a very high price be it here or earth or the after world.
Please take care of yourself, keep the focus on you and your family. Try to enjoy your time w/your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
how are you doing today? i hope you will have a much better day.
you are so worth much more than what you were told by SIL. really, she should have said nothing at all and all she did was provoke anger and hurt feelings. she is lucky you are the type not to start a confrontation with she, her h or anyone else for that matter.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Nlt, Blood is thicker than water and your BIL is trying to look out for his younger brother's best interest. In order for your H to justify his actions to his family and friends he had to make it look like you were to blame for everything. Your BIL is reacting to your H's perception of what has happened in your M. Don't take any of it to heart. Your BIL believes your H's version of the rewritten history of your R.
The others are right. Your H is still very much in his MLC mess - you wouldn't want him back in this state. It would only cause you more pain. He needs to get counselling and heal before he's ready for any R. I am going through this with my H as we speak- he's not emotionally ready to come back to the M.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
NLT how are you doing today? The others are right. When/if you talk to SIL keep the convo light and she says things about your h just listen but don't be a part of the gossip.
They must blame others to feel good about themselves. Your h needs to figure this one out for himself. Nothing you can do to help him at this time.
Take care of you NLT. Remember be at PEACE with your life for now. That was your message!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Thank you so much for responding & helping me get thru this. I do feel better today, I've tried not to think about it. I hate confrontation so I wouldn't go there with them.
I helped my parents do some things around their house that they can't do by themselves. Then tonight we went to my Dad's cousin's house & they grilled very thick & very good steaks!!! So, it was nice to just not think too much.
You are all right, I don't want him back right now. The thing that bothers me is that I'm afraid my H hates me. I don't want that, he told me in the beginning that he didn't want to hate me that he wanted us to be friends, of course that was when he thought I would go along with him & he didn't think I knew about OW.
I also believe the OW is a gold digger, she told my H in the beginning of the emails she started sending him that she had been on vacation too long (2 years) & she had to find a job to make some money.
I never had trusted my SIL 100%, I've always been very careful about what I said to her. And, you are right blood is thicken & BIL is only believing everything that my ex has told him. Rewriting history! I know I'm not perfect but I never did anything to cause H to go this route.
I'm better today, but I'm still very sad & miss him so bad & wish he would wake up. I'm scared, I hope that I will be able to see him again, part of me feels like it's not over but then sometimes I feel like it is & I can't stand that part. I just can't turn my love off! I can't believe he could change & turn so quickly like this.
Thank you all again for you advice & helping me, I don't know what I would do if you all were not here for me. I'm sorry it took so long to respond, I've been trying to get on the computer all day but didn't have time.
