Hi lodo!

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No, the midwest is not for me. I definitely don't belong there. Going back there makes me feel like I'm suffocating, so there are no bearings to be had.


I have been here 10 years now... And yes, your description is well on point! And no I will not be here 10 years from now!

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I am a questing soul, but I've never left the path, so have found comfort neither in the patterns of traditional orthodoxy nor the vacillations of creative abandon. I've sunk into the cushiony pillows of the unexamined, anticipated life. I've been looking at those surrounding mountains too long to not trek out now and see if they really are of stone, or just the mist of dreams.


Wouldn't life be wonderful if we were content with the mundane... I envy those that are content b/c they expect so little out of life. Do you know that I know people that have never seen an ocean - and it doesn't matter to them... Ignorance or perhaps assumptions of what is - is bliss... Knowledge engenders a sense of discontent...

So the true mechanism to bliss - is a lobotomy.

Okay after a few drinks (the equivalent of a lobotomy) - I lack the ability to absorb the wisdom of your post or comment in any sense that does anyone justice. I hope you will see fit to indulge my current state of mind.

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I once believed in the institution of marriage. But no more.


The institution of M was originally established you know for all that inheritance maintain order in society reasons. Now it is about love and companionship - which really complicates it all! Do you think this whole I love you but am not in love with you business was relevant 20 years ago?

As I read your story - I vacillated between seeing myself in your xw and seeing The X in your xw... I don't know what the definition of marriage is anymore. Not so sure I believe in marriage. I married The X as quickly as I did b/c he needed a green card to immigrate from Germany.

That being said - there is a part of me that refuses to give up on the concept of a that special something that goes beyond friendship and means more than a piece of paper.

take care,
AG