Yeah. You are probably right. It's not like I don't know the things hubby wants me to change anyways.
1. Be less controlling 2. Be more independent 3. Learn to manage stress and anger
I just get concerned because I will only have the 6 sessions to get these issues tackled. At least 6 free sessions. Then I would have to find a way to pay for them. And right now I am just trying to find a way to move out of my parents house and into my own apartment so adding an extra 100/week is not possible. At least that is how much our MC was per session and he said that IC should be every week whereas MC is every other week.
In general, I think there is some truth to that. I mean, at some point, you get to a point of diminishing returns. Enough rejection, and you quit trying. But, you aren't rejecting, so that's not really an issue. So, yes, part of what you are up to is getting him to "miss" your presence. And to do that, you have to leave him alone.
So, I get the feeling you are a "talker". You have trouble doing something without telling him you are going to do it.... like, "I'm going to ignore you know", for example. So, when you wonder what to do, and you have three choices that are all "offer" this or that, there is the choice of not offering anything. Even thought the "offers" all seem different to you, they sound the same to him. You are trying to take control of the situation (from his point of view). So, see how you can do that differently, "just do it", don't tell, offer, or any of that stuff.
Daisy you answered your own question!! LoL on your list look at #2...wouldn't going to IC with out H initiating what he thinks show him how independent you are becoming!!
Wow Jeff. Are you sure we haven't met before? Lol.
I am a talker and I have been learning that it comes across as controlling. And my hubbys is sooo not a talker. We just clash.
I think I will call around on Tuesday to find a IC and just set up the appointment. My MC offered to call the new C and give background info so that will probably be helpful. I will just have to tell the new C what kind of changes I need to work on from my POV and then if/when hubby decides to come back around I can see if he wants to add anything to the list like the MC suggested.
Even if he contacts by Tuesday I will probably not bring it up because I do not want him to feel pressure. He said in our session that he was not able to give a list right then but if he thought about it he could and that he was on board with going to IC. So we shall see.
I think you should go ahead and schedule the IC. I'm in IC and xh doesn't even know it. I don't want him to think it's because I want him back (read: controlling, manipulative Beotch here)
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Right. I get that it's just that this IC is supposed to be so that we can each work on our individual issues that are hurting our marriage to get to the point of returning to MC. Does that make sense? It never hurts to just do IC but this was more like joint IC for the purpose of pulling our marriage back together.
But I think I will schedual it and start working on things even more from my end. There are lots of issues that need to be worked out whether I stay married or not.
