Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[Startingover2]

Wow. I am so sorry. This must be a blow. GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!! Borrow the money from someone. You now need to get your momomy claws out and fight for your little girl. No more worries about making him mad and he won't come home. He isn't. He is such a loser. Complete and utter loser. I know that is not nice, but he is.

Fight for visitation and child support. Let him know you mean business. I wouldn't say a word anymore about anything and get that divorce going. Yuck!

I wish I could hug you. I am having a crappy day too. My H retained an attorney as well. Go read my thread if you want. Could use your help too.

I sent you my number before. I will email it to you again if you need anything. Maybe pack up that little girl and come visit us for a few days. Or maybe I will head down that way.

Hang in there.

[Startingover2]

By the way I completely agree with His Wife!

[hope2wrkitout]

BS--

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Do as everyone says and get a lawyer now. Don't let OW beat you to it. It won't work with them, I can almost promise you that and when the chips come tumbling down you want to make sure you and K are protected. He wants a D, give him what he wants. Take CS out of his check. I don't care if he makes peanutes, you make sure you and K get your share. I know that this hurts like hell. I am across the country hurting with you, but let this be the swift kick in the rear that you need to get you going. He is trash and you don't want him. He has no morals, no values, no ethics. Minimally he could have used protection until your D was final. How hard would that have been. Why any woman worth being called a woman would want to procreate with somone who is as much of a mess as him is way beyond me. As a woman with children of her own she should have demanded that they wait to have children until his D was final. If he really wanted to go this route he should have had the balls to divorce you from day one instead of trying to play on your emotions. Think about it, after this stunt, if he decides to come home, are you really going to want him? Move on. You have wasted too much of your time and tears on that fool!

[Startingover2]

BS--

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Do as everyone says and get a lawyer now. Don't let OW beat you to it. It won't work with them, I can almost promise you that and when the chips come tumbling down you want to make sure you and K are protected. He wants a D, give him what he wants. Take CS out of his check. I don't care if he makes peanutes, you make sure you and K get your share. I know that this hurts like hell. I am across the country hurting with you, but let this be the swift kick in the rear that you need to get you going. He is trash and you don't want him. He has no morals, no values, no ethics. Minimally he could have used protection until your D was final. How hard would that have been. Why any woman worth being called a woman would want to procreate with somone who is as much of a mess as him is way beyond me. As a woman with children of her own she should have demanded that they wait to have children until his D was final. If he really wanted to go this route he should have had the balls to divorce you from day one instead of trying to play on your emotions. Think about it, after this stunt, if he decides to come home, are you really going to want him? Move on. You have wasted too much of your time and tears on that fool!

Well said.

[Forrest Gump]

Well.. here we are.

I am sorry this is happening to you. Really I am.

I have to agree with the posters that have already posted.

I liked what Fig had to say in that you need to take things in small parts.

You need to worry about you and K. And pretty much nothing else.. its a waste of energy.

This is something that could be used against him.. This is also something that is going to hurt him in the long run.

The biggest thing right now.. is you are going to need to either GAL like you never have before.. or rest like you never have before. You need to pull everything thing you have together.. and stand up. Maybe even use some of that anger to distance yourself. Don't let the anger overwhelm you though.

Nothing in my mind has changed from the day I started posting to you. You cannot fight the character flaw he has.. no one can. If you keep trying to help him with it.. he is gonna drag you down with him.

You need to get things in writing and settled as fast as you can.. I mean move with the quickness. Get things in place to protect you and K.. before there is nothing left. Lets just say.. history repeats itself.. and when you make choices like he is.. you are setting yourself up for it to. You don't want to be standing there with your pants down when he leaves her. Maybe he won't but you need to make sure if he does.. you are safe and secure.

Listen to what people are telling you.. You can still do this with the heart you have. It does not have to be mean.. or vindictive. You just need to accept that now is the time to put some real protection on your side.. and get preparing for a life without him.

Worry about you and K... FOCUS on that..

We are all right here.. and there.. if you need us.

Now more than ever.. Keep your head up...

And..

[Startingover2]

Forrest has some good advice too...Hey forrest go check out my thread please. I could use some as well.

[blindsided1]

Thank you Forrest. I know that I deserve better than what he has to offer. I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's just really painful to know that I was just starting to get to the point of detaching somewhat and then I get this blow. What a horrible blow. I can't even believe that this is actually happening although, I knew that she was trying desperately to get pregnant. He doesn't know that I know she's pregnant. That's what I get for snooping (he should have changed his email password). I remember him saying to me that maybe the reason we had such a hard time getting pregnant was because we weren't meant to be together. And, NOW, he got her pregnant right away. So, I guess he just proved his case. It must make him feel wonderful for him to think he made the right decision to leave his family for someone who was looking for someone's husband. She couldn't get her first boyfriend to marry her even though she had two children with him, so I guess she has succeeded in her mission and he has also. My Mom said that when he finally does tell me, I should ask if she knows who the father is?

It hurts like hell to think that he is excited about starting his family with OW and he hurt me soooo badly.

This is sooo not fair. I didn't do anything to deserve this.

[Forrest Gump]

You make new post now?

I am headed home.. will talk to you soon.

[His Wife]

Blindsided:

There is nothing that you did that caused this. Not in any part of your life at any time. You need to somehow let yourself understand that he is damaged goods. You did not cause him to be this way it is just how he is. Stop giving any of this any more of your time, heart or effort. She did not get pregnant because they were meant to be. That is just his dememted way of looking at it, hoping you will finally hate him enough to let go. He is mean to you so you will hate him and let go. This is the only way he can justify his own horrible behaviour.

He is a child playing at being a man and doing a very poor job of it. You do not need this and really if you think hard and long about it, do you really want this type of person involved in your life? I think you were getting to a place to know the answer to this and then he knocked you down again, hard.

Get back up. Get moving on protecting yourself in every way you can. Surround yourself with people who love you and let them insulate you from all of his garbage for awhile until you have gained your balance again.

Please listen to us regarding the legal issues. If you delay because you are trying to be nice or just because it is hard and this child is born I will bet you right now, she will be in court before the ink is dry on that baby's birth cert to get first dips on his earnings. She will ofcourse tell him she is doing it to make sure that "they" get the money instead of you and Kendall but trust us she will do it and fast. Get in line first and if it pisses him off, just ignore it. In a way it is you and Kendall against him and his OW now. Fight fast and hard so Kendall does not lose out. Doing this will also help you move on.
Again, this isnt about anything flaw that you have or anything that you did, it is about his lack of human feelings. His loss, his fault, his problem to deal with. Nip it is the bud now, or in the future you will be getting calls once a month about how he cant pay you because new baby needs.......blah blah blah,

[S.T. _I Made It!]

No more nice girl. It is all business.

hey, just want to say, becareful how you go about this. Don't turn this into a hateful and vengeful sitch. It's not about you not being nice, or being nice. You are respectful and happy and pleasant and a good mom because you should be. because that what you should be for Kendall and as an example to Kendall, and as an example to your H.

It doesn't mean to let him walk all over you and be bullied, no, it is still a tough love, but it's not a mean love. You DO need to protect yourself, but do it in a calm and respectful way, that sets fair boundaries that protect you and Kendall. You don't want this to turn ugly, and you don't want to just react from your recent information.

Don't talk to him about it whatsoever. You just get your legal stuff in place and act like nothing different. He chose to have another family, so this is what your giving him.

and don't think that H is just hunkey dorey about this...I have a feeling that their R is going to crumble as well. it's just a matter of time. no R can be build soundly on a false foundation.

Lean on the Lord and he'll support you. Be thankful that you've had this recent sense of detachment because had you not, you may be in a much much worse position mentally right now. I cannot imagine the pain you are going thru. I will be praying for you. Give this all to God, let him carry this burden for you.

((((B)))))