Here in Oregon though only way there wouldn't be a case # is in SD's sitch #1. If you both file together, then there isn't going to be a case # or stamp yet.
If he has already filed, then he has to have you served, and there has to be a receipt of that as well. And there would be a case # assigned and the paperwork stamped. Again, this is for Oregon.
If you don't have an L already, GET ONE NOW. The laws vary so much from state to state.
Yes, I do have a L who has all the necessary info, with the exception of complete financial #'s from recent tax returns.
She wants me to wait until he files to start anything on our end.
I've checked the new filing's daily & there are none from him.
So, the papers just join the "offer" in a secure place. Until I get the real deal, I won't be signing & returning anything. I have plans for tonight, so won't be here when he takes our S out.
What the purpose was to giving me something that changes really nothing, is anyone's guess. Pressure from OW to finally serve me papers, financial, who knows. I've had no contact with him since the other night, with the exception of calling him yesterday afternoon to ask if he was moving into the house a few blocks away, as I saw there were cleaners there & it was newly vacant. So, I asked the question, he answered no & off the phone. He didn't sound so good.
I, on the other hand, am distancing myself & making plans to do something nice for myself & enjoy my kids. Although I care about him as the father of my child, I guess it was the tipping point the other night, because I don't harbor, or even yearn for a R with him. That could change o/c, although I don't expect it to anytime soon, if at all. So much damage has been done.
I'm off to make it a great day....wishes for a wonderful one for you all also.
Sunny, You sound much more centered...good for you.
Originally Posted By: Sunny
So, the papers just join the "offer" in a secure place. Until I get the real deal, I won't be signing & returning anything. I have plans for tonight, so won't be here when he takes our S out.
Exactly. Just let it all lie and use the time to figure out what you want.
Quote:
I guess it was the tipping point the other night, because I don't harbor, or even yearn for a R with him.
Unfortunately, it is inevitable that you get to this point. I am actually at the point that my worst fear is that my W will decide she wants to try to work things out at this point.
Once you get to the point that you are truly happy without them, it is SOOOO hard to imagine throwing yourself back into all of the drama and trauma of a MLC spouse.
Maybe you will feel differently after the requisite 48 hours, but eventually, we all get to this point. Give it some time and see how you feel...and how his behavior changes.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Forrest-Thanks for posting, I know you're under some time constaints. Under pressure is where I stand out & may give us some movement from the "stuck" position, in which direct is yet to be determined.
I haven't had the opportunity to do much different, as H left for another Mexico trip, just returning last night. I had the feeling he was in a hurry to get out of town for a while. Phone calls to S5 were friendly when I answered...just kept it to kids & schedules.
Before he left, a friend picked me up to go out, so my car was here & I wasn't. That seemed to shake him up a bit, but who really knows. While he's still in an A, I don't think much really has an impact.
I did notice that even those progressively took on a colder tone, the closer to his date of return.
He left a fairly friendly VM this morning, but didn't want to commit that in writing later b.c. I got this;
"I will be there at 4 to take S5. Please have him in his shinguards and shoes.
thx"
I'm sitting on my hands until I get over the temptation to send this ?%#@ a reply. We'll see how much self control I have.
SD-I'm right at that point you're talking about, it's difficult to keep up positive feelings after this length of time.
L-Ahum....Looking forward to that update you've been taking about!
Nothing has been filed or mentioned re:the papers he gave me on the 8th. If he wants me to sign anything, he'll have to file first. Until then, I'm moving on with the focus on me & the kids. I'm still not going to date, I have no interest at all. That route would just leave more body parts in my wake & would likely add confusion.
Would a short little curt response to his e-mail be bad, or would that be rising to the bait. I know the answer, just don't care what response he would have at the moment. At the moment is key I guess.
"Nothing has been filed or mentioned re:the papers he gave me on the 8th. If he wants me to sign anything, he'll have to file first."
It's nice to have all those papers tucked away.
"Until then, I'm moving on with the focus on me & the kids."
Good for you.
"Would a short little curt response to his e-mail be bad, or would that be rising to the bait. I know the answer, just don't care what response he would have at the moment."
Then don't respond.
Maybe see how he performs.. under pressure.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I was looking forward to no contact until tomorrow night, but got this e-mail this morning early....he really knows how to start off the day.
Hi Sunny,
Can you please give me the signed acknowledgement Monday night when I come get S5?
Thanks,
I guess this is how he performs under pressure Forrest.
I responded later that it was confusing since they didn't look like they had been filed, so I would get together with my L & have her let me know what to do.
He left a voice mail later saying he thought that's the way it was supposed to go, just sign & he would file afterwards. He just didn't want to have someone else serve me (always looking out for me). But go ahead & have my L look them over first if I want. He sounded nervous, but unwavering.
I left a message that it isn't the way it appparently works, so go ahead & serve me, with all the papers (he left out all the financial disclosure's & a response form for me to fill out), I'll have S5 ready tomorrow.
So I guess ready or not I'm getting a D. I might be still missing something b/c I still don't really understand why.
I know I'll feel good looking back that I did all I could & all my relationships will benefit from what I've learned thru this.
I was reading the paper tonight & it said only 15% of people they surveyed were unhappy in their marriages, I guess he fell into that small percentage.
"I was reading the paper tonight & it said only 15% of people they surveyed were unhappy in their marriages, I guess he fell into that small percentage."
Did they survey people that were happily married?
"I left a message that it isn't the way it apparently works, so go ahead & serve me, with all the papers"
What else can you do?
I guess time will tell how much he is really thinking about you.
"I was looking forward to no contact until tomorrow night, but got this e-mail this morning early....he really knows how to start off the day."
What he did.. What he is doing.. has no effect on who you are.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Forrest-I liked the last sentence you wrote so much, I used it almost as a mantra today.
First thing this morning I got an e-mail telling me he wasn't going to spend hundreds of dollars having me served & would just bring me the filed papers to sign. Sorry for the mix up, he wasn't aware they had to be filed before I signed.
I replied that I would like to be served so I know I'm receiving all the correct papers.
After the last angry e-mail, he sends me some "fun" e-mail, pictures of S5 I took at the last game w/his camera, etc.
This guy has pushed me to the mat with all his BS & I'm not buying into his games anymore. The next e-mail cinched it;
"Sunny,
I don't want to keep leaving S5 alone with S16 unless I know what time you are going to be home. If you are going to be home within a specified period of time like say 20 or 30 minutes then fine. But I am not leaving S5 if it could be a few hours. I think that is reasonable. Not trying to pry but this is something I should know as a responsible parent.
I also saw that S5 has a school event tomorrow night and I intend to attend. Please let me know about all such events in the future as I want to be a part of these whenever possible Please advise if this is a problem.
Thank you."
O.K. you want to get out the kid card when I don't put up with your bullying, go for it. He is seeing a side to me that he's never seen before either. Not mean, mad, or emotional, just "no nonsense."
My reply;
H,
It appears by your message that you're ramping thing's up. Funny the timing on this e-mail with you filing. It looks like inferring you have had incidents in the past where I left S5 with S16 for hours, or that a 16 year old, who's also his brother is somehow endangering him. This has never been the case.
In January there was no problem, according to your post;
"If you want to grab a cocktail after we feed the boys let me know. We'll have to get S16 to baby-sit but I'll pay him."
As far as a specified time, we can do that, no problem. If you can pick him up at 6 p.m. & drop him off by 7:45 p.m., I or S16 will be waiting.
Sunny
This last e-mail came shortly after;
No, not at all. It just sounded like you would be out late. I trust S16 well enough but if you were going to be late I wouldn't want to leave S5 that's all.
There have been no past incidents of concern. You are welcome to save this e mail as evidence to your benefit.
I AM NOT trying to set you up.
Fifteen minutes after this was sent he was at my front door, frantically trying to unlock the front door (It's glass).
There is no backing down for me. I told him to go ahead & D me if that's what he wants, what he can't do is have all the benefits of being married to me afterwards. Nope, it doesn't work that way, I get S5, walk them to the door & ask him to please drop S back at 7:45pm. He asks if he can stay & watch a program with S after. "No. Please have him back on time." Comes back on sched. & wants to know the x's for the school picnic tomorrow evening & should he bring an extra chair for me?? "No, I have my own, thank you."
"What he did.. What he is doing.. has no effect on who you are."
