If you let her be your "friend" she will justify all that she has done. She will think, "See, he understands. It was for the best.", "See, we all are fine, and better than we would be if I had stayed.", "See, everyone, how I am a good parent, and how Jeff still respects me? It was the right choice."
It's like what I tell h4h, if she is choosing to leave you, you should NOT be all "buddy buddy" with her. It helps her think that what she did was ok. It also gives her everything. She gets your friendship (knowing you love her, too) and she gets this other life as well. Let her feel what she has done. She has broken a family. She has no right to pretend she still has it with two hours here and there and little appearances.
It disgusts me a bit how she is intruding on things YOU have planned. She just pops in, gets her "feel good moments", and then leaves....all the time thinking she is SUCH a good mother.
To her question of friendship, I would respond, "I married you and so I will never be "just friends" with you. YOu chose to break the family and break our marriage. I will be polite and respectful, but don't ask me to be your FRIEND. That's insulting. Every moment I spend with our children is precious. Since you have decided we will not be a family anymore, we will have to respect each other's time separately. I don't want a "part time wife" nor a "wife turned friend"."
I would do this AT LEAST until the divorce is final. Later, you can always be friends sometime in the future.
