I don't think it's realistic to get her out of your mind and emotions for good, so I wouldn't plan on it. Time for a bit of introspection and self-discovery. It sounds like there are a few issues you and your WAW need to work on, but you can't control what she does/feels, so the responsibility falls on you and what you need to do to be less "screwed up" and an outstanding father. I think others would agree that your first step is to reconcile with your children. If you're not willing/able to be a good father, what expectations do you have of yourself as a spouse/committed partner? It appears to me from what you've written thus far that you might feel guilty for "abandoning" your children and 1st wife that you might have placed too much burden on your current WAW for your own happiness? Just a thought...only you know you best...
Work on what matters the most first, and everything will fall into place for you to figure out and tackle. I would highly suggest you getting a solutions-based therapist and commit (in your mind at least) to months, if not a year, of counseling. You might not need all of it, but understand that this will be a long and hard road to travel, so better you be realistic than hang on to the notion of a "magic bullet".
Growth is painful, so it's time to man-up and start hurting...
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
