Returned to check in

[limbo]

Hello All,

I has been some time since my last post, I lurk still often, but don’t post very much… I feel because I still struggle that I don’t have much to offer to others.
I still do battle with myself often as to if staying is what I want….My H still continues to do his best, and tries to make me happy.
But I continually still feel like I just can’t do it, that getting past all the pain and worry.
My H had such a total melt down that I worry that it will happen again, and to this end feel that I am still really removed from him and letting him truly back into my heart again.
I never dreamed that it would be so hard to make this journey, in some ways I feel that h is still hiding things from me, and while that happens there can never truly be full trust.
We did attend Retrouvaille just a year ago, and it did help, however we stopped going to core several months ago, and no longer dialogue, my H says when we talk its dialoguing.
So I feel that I am pretty much were I was a year ago, and things have just stalled.
Although H feels that things are wonderful, and we have never been better!