5 weeks remain til next chapter starts

[istherehope]

Thanks S,

He lives in another reality, the one where my paycheck and problem solving skills exist without me, so let's see if he picks up on the issues :).

I was actually just thinking that, about my H, he has always said really hurtful things when in a sticky emotional situation. Back when I first knew him, after I broke up with my BF of 3 years, he was hoping we'd get together. Instead I hooked up with another guy from work at first. H was really mean when he first found out and pretended like he couldn't stand me, and I remember just before he told me that he thought he was in love with me he said "your sexuality disgusts me." Such a random yet mean thing to say. He has always had a bad temper, and remembering this makes me feel better about that joint session. I mean I still think he feels he needs to be alone, but I don't actually believe that he feels like being with me is jail. In fact in the same breath he said that I was now amazing, easy to be around, sweet, engaging, but the thought of me staying the night was horrifying. I am pretty sure the more that I think about it that he is lashing out.

I guess now that I think about it I've seen this before, just on a less dramatic scale. I need to stay the course and ignore his words and listen for the underlying messages...he is afraid that I will hurt him, and he is afraid that I will not give him the space he needs. He is afraid of losing control of the situation. He has reached out to me every day this past week, giving "assurances" that he is not going out, and always asking what I am doing. He cares what I do, and he cares that I know what he does. For the moment I will content myself with this, and wait a couple of weeks before stressing about the return to Dublin. I suddenly feel like there IS real progress going on. With my H, anger means real emotion. This is much better than him being the robot he was a month ago...

ITH