You love her and you have this "desire" to protect her. Understand that is a very normal feeling. In fact, you still consider yourselves husband and wife, and it is our responsibility to protect those we love to the best of our ability.
When it comes to issues such as losing a job and possibly losing a house, does it really matter? It is only a job and only a house. In the extreme cases where a person has no place to live, there is grave concern that they could be living on the street. In your wife's case, it is unlikely.
I know we become very attached to our homes and our egos can become severely bruised if we are forced to leave our house. It can be very embarrassing because we are thinking that everyone is looking down on us. Does it really matter?
In the case of our spouses, they left for various reason but, in many cases, they wanted to prove they could live on their own. I have thought about whether I want my wife to fail or succeed in living on her own and my answer was: I want her to succeed. If this was so important to her to be on her own, I would rather her try to see if she can make it rather than come back home because she couldn't. Does that make sense?
I won't go so far as to say that I want her in a new relationship because she lacks experience there. I draw the line at being on her own. But I can't stop her from looking for someone else. She has to learn on her own that finding someone new won't make her happy. And the reason I know that finding someone new won't make my W happy is due to the fact that I am aware that she is hurting in other areas and a relationship is supposed to take the pain away (in her mind). But it won't. Maybe it will when the relationship is new. And then she will look for someone else (which she did) and she will be happy for awhile until the newness wears off. The happiness she feels during these times of newness in her relationship cannot be permanent. The only way she can get it back is by finding a new person.
That is why there is usually a higher average of partners in same sex relationships. We are seeing trends in opposite sex relationships follow this same pattern now since marriage is not valued anymore and more and more people view relationships in a dysfunctional manner.
Imageer, as much as it is hard not to be curious and to think about what is going on in our Ws lives, it is actually much easier to avoid thinking of them so much and not get involved in their drama (when we can avoid it).
On a personal note, my W actually played mom last night during a discipline session with one of my kids. It is unfortunate in that it was his birthday but he has been really bad in turning in assignments and it is really hurting his grades.
If you would've listened to my W talk to him, you would've been impressed. It is hard to imagine a woman as smart and capable as my W is going through this tumultuous affair, making bad decision after bad decision, but can clearly see when other people are messing up and can provide such thoughtful and helpful guidance. I guess it is easier to give advice than take it.
TTYL!
mmf
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
