Trixi and His Highness

[Trixi]

Well, speaking of dating....
Last night I went out to karaoke bar and had great time; plenty of the "core" group was there. While I was there, Meetup Guy (now to be known as MG) sent me a few text messasges to tell me where he what he was doing, where he was. Sort of in a "Hey! now we're going over to XYZ to have drink. Lots of fun. How are you?" type text messages. He was at his computer before I was home, so he said for me to IM him when I got in.

So, I got home and we started IMing. At first, it was all light stuff, but then it seemed like I needed to tell him about my sitch. He was disappointed. He recently dated a woman for 6 weeks and her husband came back to her. She didn't tell him anything until the H came back, so he felt pretty blindsided. He was glad I was telling him upfront, but he does feel a bit wary of me now. Totally understandable, and he should, really.

He has asked me out to a nice(ish) restaurant for tonight. Last night I said 'sure' because we established that we are friends only. But now I don't know. And it's not because I can't be 'just' friends with a guy. It's very easy for me to be just friends with a guy; I relate better to guys. If MG was a guy that my H knew, I wouldn't have a second thought, because I would feel okay about telling my H that I went out to dinner with "joe". But now, if H asks me what I did this week, I think saying "Oh, went out to dinner with Meetup Guy" it would open up a can of worms. A can of worms I do NOT want to deal with.

OTOH, who the hell knows when my H will contact me again?? When I was relating the timeline to MG last night, I realized that when H and I were "dating" from Aug 21st to end of Oct (last year of course), one of the ways he would use to avoid me was feeling 'sick'. The night of our big blow out and the first time he actually talked about "hurrying up and filing" was an evening where his co-worker (that used to stay with me while H worked a room at company parties) was playing in a band. H told me about it, but then said he probably wasn't going to go. Didn't feel well. Probably too tired, blah blah blah. I went ahead and went, and guess who showed up too? ("Oh, I feel a little bit better") That was when a co-worker I hadn't met said "Are you sure you guys aren't married? haha You guys act married. haha" and I said "Um, Yeah. Actually we ARE married. 10 years!" and the poor guy was like a deer in the headlights, hemming and hawing and saying "oh? really? um..wow. that's great. good for you." To him, H said "It hasn't been a good year." To me (sorta under his breath) H said "I hope you're happy. Let's just get this over with and file." The first time he ever uttered the words about filing were in a bar.

ANYway, my point is during that time frame, my H was all of a sudden sick and not feeling well a lot.

Maybe if H ever contacts me and asks what I have been up to, I can just say went out to dinner with a friend? Be mysterious..? H does know I have started going to meetups. He asked if they were for singles. I could honestly say that the groups I'm in are for any status.

I am feeling a bit pissed with H lately. HE had an online EA. Even met with her- but she stayed with her husband. He told me about it after the fact. That was 2004. HE has slept with 2 girls. I will (kinda) cut him some slack in that he was sure we were getting divorced and he was done, but given that he only had that frame of mind for maybe 2 months, they must have practically been one night stands or close to it. ick.

UGH! Why am *I* tormented by what to do, when I think he wouldn't have a second thought if the roles were reversed? In some way, I feel like I am obligated to 'announce' I am getting a more active social life, but otoh, I feel like it would be better for me to just live it-and if he notices and steps up his game, well, then good.