Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

Well, since it is not, I have to deal with my sitch to the best of my ability. Most days I can handle it just fine, others I tend to fall. I never let myself fall for more than a couple of days though, just cant see wasting so much time wallowing.

I have been feeling pretty good today. Keep looking back at the last few nights with STBXH and forcing myself not to read anything into any of his actions. He just wants to be my friend. As hard as it is, I need to just leave it at that. Funny how two weeks ago his presence annoyed me and I was indifferent towards him. Oh, this wonderful rollercoaster ride - just when you think you can get off another loop appears. But, I also understand that I am the one controlling this ride. Each day I am trying my best to detach and let go. Like everyone else here, some days are great others not so much.

Thanks for checking in on me. Oh, and Sara, I did not take it in a negative way at all. Unfortunately my parents live in AZ, and my brother is 2 hours away. All of my friends live here so I do have a wonderful support network, but (and please, no lectures here, this is MY choice) no one knows about my cancer with the exception of this board, one friend, my brother and STBXH. I am a very private person and do not enjoy talking about it. I also do not want the pity looks or the awkwardness that it can bring. I am doing really good and if I hear things turn for the worse, then I am going to share with everyone else.