New Thread, new life, new happiness

[HopefultotheEnd]

HTTE has mutch to ponder...

...Fortunatly today's a good day for thought.

I'll fill you all in after the budget meeting tonight.

I think I have some things to figure out before I choose my direction.

I've been reading more of Puppies sitch and that of Steel_Box and a few others. I'm getting more insight than ever before but also learning that I have to come up with my own answers. What's right for one sitch may show the right direction for another but applied directly may not be "effective". (that damn word again)

At least my coaster is on a climb today, I feel great! Pensive and thoughtful but great.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

HTTE has mutch to ponder...

...Fortunatly today's a good day for thought.

I'll fill you all in after the budget meeting tonight.

I think I have some things to figure out before I choose my direction.

I've been reading more of Puppies sitch and that of Steel_Box and a few others. I'm getting more insight than ever before but also learning that I have to come up with my own answers. What's right for one sitch may show the right direction for another but applied directly may not be "effective". (that damn word again)

Most certainly! It's important to keep in mind, that my prior marital relational style was overly pleasing/accommodating/rescuing, and my wife likes a strong, leading man. Had I had prior issues with being too demanding, controlling, chauvinistic, etc., many of my techniques might have backfired.

Every situation has its own dynamics, and its own context.

[HopefultotheEnd]

I am tired. The whole evening went fine but it was exausting.

Just having her there and figuring out what to do with myself was tiring, I did ok but it was stressful.

Budget went as I expected...but not so much the talks. We did the numbers as we stand now, and then did a whole set where we split everything.

W said that she didn't want to leave me out when she gets the new job with it's higher salary. She wants to pay off our bills together since we got the debt togerther. Would I be stupid to consider this if she were pulling her weight financially?

I mentioned splitting our finances and she asked..."I wonder how that works in a divorce? You did mean divorce right?" I said "not really, but sure..." and then directed the conco back to the numbers.

Then, she says I can always sell my ring...and looks down at her hand as she twists her wedding ring. That's right she was wearing it. I'm an idiot and ask her, "Why are you wearing it?" (dumbass) and she just replies, "Because I like it and I want to." At this point my brain caught up and I switched back to the budget.

Last thing. W asked me if I was angry at her because I was acting "cold" to her with my short email replies and acting distant tonight etc. I said that I didn't mean to come across as "cold" and left it at that. I thought I was being pretty happy but I was a bit distant.

She left and gave me a hug, I started to pull away first but ended up huging her back. Perhaps not the best dark I can muster but it's better than "cold"

[maninmotion]

HTTE, I know it's tough, especially when she is acting sweet. I know how that feels.

From your post, it looks to me like that at one level she is being truthful, she doesn't want to screw you over. However, it also seems like she is testing to see if she still has a hook in you.

I'm not sure where things go for you. It seems like life is pretty good for your wife right now and that makes it easy for her to be sweet. I suspect that if you take a stand or draw a boundary that causes her life to not be so good, then she will stop being so sweet. In either case, she is shifting her responsibilities onto your shoulders and will probably continue until you stop letting her do that.

I wish I had better advice to give.

Dan

[HopefultotheEnd]

I hardly slept at all last night. It was almost as if I was on a mini version of the six month roller coaster I've been living. Really sad one minute to being ok with things then back to loss to acceptance and then back around.

I realized through all of it that I do need to take a stance. I don't think that will save my M but my mental health is on the brink. I also realized that I might have to make a stand that is contrary my overall financial interests. I'm still going over this one.

I wanted to R talk so bad a few times last night. None of it would have done any good but it would have made me feel better.
As I laid in bed I went over the what I would like to say over and over how I "know" that we could make things work if we gave it a shot. But as we know I can't controll her. I don't think she would mind if I Filed. Well, she might be surprised, relieved, or worried a little but overall I think she'd be ok with it. Which is fine. I'm trying not to care about her I just want relief.

Looking back I see how more of a shock it would have been had I filed months ago. But I don't have any regrets, It might not have turned out any different and easily could have gotten worse.

So where do I go from here...I'm going keep up the productive thinking. Yesterday was very good. I really started to get a sense of what I want/need to do. I start a 10 week Divorce/separation support group on Tuesday and meet with a very well reccomended L on Thursday.

If I had to choose this minute, I would file, but leave the finances be for now. (as long as she pulls her own)

I really still love my W with all my heart and want to save my M.

[HopefultotheEnd]

Would an email be inappropriate vs. a verbal confrontation? I have doubts that my words would come across the way I intend in person. I can think on my feet sometimes but this sitch has me all messed up and it would be trying something new. I havn't sent my W an email about our sitch (and really sent it) since March. I'm thinking that an email might make her think as opposed to reacting to my words. Just a thought at this point.

[HopefultotheEnd]

I decided against the email and had a talk with the W last night in person.

It was big. PA started before the bomb.

I made a new thread in infidelity.

Please go check it out.