Well, I understand the oddities of the consulting ebbs and flows. Here I am in the midst of old boy network, and it really is an old boy network.
I saw your comment about recognizing my xw's dumping of relationships to streamline. I think this is common in people who have used work as a way to overcome difficulties in relationship skills. Why be patient with something you feel unsure at or makes you feel inept when you have this other thing you can really shine at? Of course that outcome is as bad as the one I find myself in - dumping work to focus on relationships. My standing and the perception of the value of my work has suffered because of my focus.
A friend of mine is in a male-dominated field and has to work 3x as hard to achieve results. Sometimes I don't understand where she finds the energy to do all that she's doing. But she has really been a rock for me throughout my D because she went through similar circumstances 6 years ago.
Her biggest piece of advice was to be gentle about restarting relationships. She kept trying and trying and failing and failing and it just prevented her from reaching a comfortable spot with balancing career and home life. Once she took the time she needed, she started finding the balance. That doesn't mean she was good at it, she just became clearer about her wants and what she wanted from others, as well as determining how to better accept others. She told me that it took her 5 years before she really felt ready.
She also told me that her biggest problem was projecting onto others what she least liked in herself. It was easier for her to reject people when she could recognize in them some small aspect of something she really hated about herself. I don't know how you feel about that, but it gave me a lot of food for thought. I hadn't examined my own reactions that way, but I find it to be helpful.
