Not much to update. I felt good earlier in the year after I got back into my house and vacationed with the kids but since then things have spiraled down. I have hit the bottom a few times; all this bouncing on the bottom hurts.
A lot of pressure at work at the moment. A lot of pressure with a house that is falling down around me. A lot of pressure for not having a social life. A lot of pressure with my 91-year old mother. A lot of pressure trying to be a dad in a broken family. A lot of pressure with xW acting so distant and so indifferent all of the time.
A lot of pressure. I am just so tired and I am not motivated to do anything.
So I sit around, read some, and dream of a better time. Drinking a lot more than I should but it helps make time pass faster.
Yesterday was really bad - D7 was up in the middle of the night with a nightmare. She told me she was dreaming about "when you and mommy broke up and how mommy told me she did not want me any more".
How could that be? The kids are suppose to be happy are they not? The divorce was a good thing for us, was it not?
It was according to xW.
This sucks. My life sucks. My job sucks. My house sucks. My family is gone. I don't feel attractive - just old and spent.
Enough of this pity party. Things will get better but I need to visit the bottom yet again.
