5 weeks remain til next chapter starts

[istherehope]

Thanks JCJ,

I haven't given up hope as it's a very long road even if he suddenly were to turn around and say he wanted D for sure. I don't know how far I'm willing to go for the marriage, but I know that I need to keep going until I feel like I am done or until things are better. I do have faith in him as a person and in our connection and love, even if it's buried deep within him at the moment. At least he likes me again, based on the things he says about me, even if he acts like he hates me. The fact that he reached out twice yesterday to ask how I am says a lot to me. It could just be coming from his own guilt, but it does mean that he has some feelings beyond anger toward me. The worst was when he felt dead to me...I also like that I wasn't available when he reached out last night.

Yeah you're right that I'm putting lots of pressure on myself. It just sort of came from Jody warning me that he isn't rational right now, so I need to be prepared for the fact that he could make a really irrational move and my actions COULD trigger this. I guess I can't blame myself for that though. I just need to decide what is the best thing to do in this situation, and have a clear and calm conscience in relation to whatever the different outcomes could be.

In terms of his lack of hope, the fact that he is getting on the joint sessions still says SOMETHING to me. I do think he has hope buried deep inside. It's only that he doesn't have the emotional energy to do anything with it. He would have to decide to give things a go or at least to not actively deny the hope. I highly doubt that his feelings will just come rushing back (unless he sees me everyday looking really cute around the house :)).

Yeah my H is definitely not living in reality at all. I just would like it if I didn't have to be the one to break it to him, as I don't want him to feel controlled or angry. I would like to find a subtle way to encourage him to start looking at finances on his own, but I just don't know how to do this without nagging, being pressuring, or making it look like I am angling to come home early.

I'm trying to carry on...just SO many things in limbo right now in addition to my marriage. I have no money, and there are business trips I need to plan but these are sort of contingent on when I go back to Dublin, so trying to let them ride as long as possible...

Thanks for your post. I'll visit your sitch soon :).

ITH