Guess I'm staying here awhile longer

[istherehope]

Hi Daisy,

I like your list of goals. I think it is VERY good. I just got out of zombie mode myself, so I TOTALLY understand what you are going through.

I do think in your case that it won't take too long before your H starts pursuing a bit again. Since you have always been the pursuer, he is going to get thrown off pretty easily by your lack of contact. If you can keep this up, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results. In your post on my thread you mentioned that your H got angry when you didn't react to something the way that he thought you would. Don't be surprised if he's feeling a bit angry with you now, and if he potentially lashes out at you the next time he contacts you. If you can remain cool as a cucumber, I think things will get better. That is what I'm trying in my sitch anyway :). Let's do this together. Do you have your solutions journal? If not, I've found that this is a very good thing to focus on while in "zombie mode". It was the one thing I could really pour my energy into. Even on the days where there was no contact, I would just mark off those days, and mention things that I had learned such as feeling compassion, or realizing that H was angry because of X, not me. I am at 21 days now (I think) with no backslides, and even if things aren't where I would like them to be, this is a goal that I have met, and my next milestone is 30 days. It really does help to be able to monitor your own progress like this. It shows you what control you DO still have. You have control over all of your own actions, and it gets pretty amazing to see how you can control your own reactions even in the face of hell. Daisy, if I could remain outwardly calm while my H said being with me would be like being in jail, I KNOW that you can be calm when your H loses his temper. Try to think of him as a child. This helps me sometimes. He is like a child having a temper tantrum or like someone with Turrets syndrome who just cannot help the things he is saying.

Hope you are feeling better soon. If not, IMO it's OK to wallow in your misery for awhile. I know I've needed to do that!

ITH