Hello everyone, I feel so exhausted. At the end of the day, this is my refuge. Although I may not respond to every post, I thrive on reading all of them. They are encouraging and I sleep better at night.
T2L- The kids. They are the #1 motivator through all this. You're so right , we need to stay strong and stand up for good values and morals, cuz our H certainly arent! I say stay strong, but its not to say we cant show our emotions. My kids have seen me cry and anger (mostly cry) plenty of times. We need to teach them they can express their feelings but how to express them in a healthy way. S14 went to T with me last evening (1st visit). Didnt go as well as I hoped. He seemed very anxious, especially when the topic eased from high school to H and our "feelings". He could not or did not want to express how he felt, and we didnt push him. T says H and I communicated poorly and held in feelings which hurt R and kids are learning it from us. Although D11 has no problem expressing her feelings ( alot of anger), S14 and S11 mostly hold back. I have always been concerned about S11 being my "protector". He opens up or defends only when I am upset.The protector role is dangerous because when someone is always doing/caring for others, and not themselves as well, they end up becoming resentful. Has anyone here kids had T sessions, and how did they go?
hope3343- Happy Birthday! I hope it ended well. I dont know what Id do if H asked me out ANYWHERE right now! My birthday was July and H purposely chose not to acknowledge it . I know because he called kids to remind them of my birthday, then spoke with me later that night and questioned me harshly about some items I had given for donation. Then that was it - he just hung up. I was working that night too. So I had every reason to feel sorry for myself! lol.
OK, had 2nd coachbusting with Vernetta. This MLC. As Vernetta puts it, its male menopause. They are high on "drugs" and the OW is their supplier. MLC men tend to be attracted to "messed up" women who "need" him. And a man in MLC has a strong need to feel heroic and appreciated. I have considered myself in the "last resort" stage of DB. Ive already told H I would move on without him and been trying hard to practice last resort behavior, but I think and wonder if I havent been overdoing it a little. Ive rejected some nice gestures from his end For example, he brought our favorite soda to share at a little league picnic and I rejected "no thanks, I drink a different kind now". Or he had planned on one occasion to help cut grass and I said "no thanks, Ill do it myself". These responses on my part probably didnt fill that need to be needed or appreciated. So from now on I will graciously (but not too graciously- dont wanna look "needy!) acknowlege his kind/positive behaviors. It is like a child responds much more positively to his parents who "catch him being good" instead of always catching them when theyre bad. But I am feeling "the end" is near. H as spoke with atty and me about "plans" - had that meeting with him this weekend. Although I had my say, I still feel so lost and confused, and cant help but wonder if he feels the same way. Does he feel he is in "too deep" and theres no turning back with this D and Ill never take him back?or does he feel D will give him the ticket he needs to pursue R with OW without feeling guilty any longer? As mad as I am for what he has done to us and our family ,I cant help but feel some compassion for what may be a terrible inner struggle for him. I had already a while back preached to him about finding happiness within yourself- attitude - resilience. He cried and admitted I was right and he "hated himself". I feel I have a very depressed man on my hands. I only occasionaly see tiny glimpses of the man I once knew. This will be like luring a scared puppy out of a corner. I dont know if it will work or if Ill be able to do it.
Sorry to always be long winded, but I figure if anything, this is my online journal and I can go back and read and reevaluate.
me-36 H-38 S14 S11 D11 married 16yr Oct 17 IDLYA 6-18 H moved out 6-19 H admitted EA(now PA) and asked for D 7-4 H currently consulting with atty
