Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

So, tonight was STBXH night with son. I took myself out on a date and had a really good time. Saw the movie "Burn after reading". Hmm....I was not prepared for all of the infidelity in it so had a bit of a hard time watching it, but it was dark and twisted - 2 things I generally like in movies. When I got home S was still up and my STBXH's brother was here as well.

My BIL and I talked for a few minutes while STBXH was putting son to bed. He told me that he really missed me and that I will always be part of the family. He was very open with me and very kind. I could tell that the fact my STBXH wanted to leave me was tearing him up - he wants to be loyal to his brother but still loves me as well. I told him if it was too ackward then I understood, but wanted him to know that I would always love him like my family.

When STBXH came down from S room we all sat around joking and talking for about an hour then I finally told them I had to get to bed. They both gave me a big hug and left. I got up to walk away from the kitchen table when I was struck by a big pain. STBXH had forgot something and walked in with me on the floor. He rushed over and wanted to take care of me. He told me that he really cared about me and truly wanted to be there for me. He stayed to talked for a little longer. He started to open up about his IC appointment today and asked if he could go to my next DR appointment. I told him he could. He hugged me again and then left.

I tell you, sometimes I just want to smack some sense back into him. I feels like he still loves me but is too broken to admit it. At one point he was talking about how great I look to his brother and then it segwayed into how he was kinda smelly because he had not showered in 3 days. Said he had no one to clean up for (WTF??? BIL knows about OW). Thought that was really strange. I just have to keep my distance and know that he is just trying to be my friend and nothing else. Sometimes that is harder than others, but I think that I am ok. I'm not reading ANYTHING into his actions today. Still staying as strong as possible.