Ugh. I'm so sorry you're going thru this. Once again, though, I'm seeing that you and h. are using the tough stuff to really work through some issues together...as crappy as it all must feel, from the outside looking in, it's wonderful to see.
Quoting talitsa: We did have a long talk about the whole trust issue. He knows that it's going to probably take a long time. I told him that he can't just do thing on HIS terms all of the time, that he needs to listen to what I say I need for trust to be rebuilt. I said if he can't live his life like an open book to me and have a policy of being completely honest about anything I should know about, then I think he needs to be single and not try to be with me.
I told him that I feel that I have a RIGHT to know if he's lying and/or cheating and I will excersize all options to find out the truth if my intuition starts throwing red flags all over the place.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
You sound much calmer and more into thinking mode this morning! My boss has a saying he uses here sometimes, "In through the nose!"
I would be willing to bet you are right on where the stories are originating. Sounds like something she would do is to still try causing trouble since he has left her and is back with you.
My intuition isn't on like yours but at least once it was dead on and my H was sort of shocked! And I think I know about the time he started picking back up with OW as it started bothering me again and it hadn't been before! I told him we are more closely connected than he realizes. Hope it gives him some second thoughts while he is out and about in the big city!!!
I like your plan for your Indian Nancy Drew skills!! Give them a better place to be put to use and a way for you to work out some of your feelings!
Good Luck & I think it is great that you and H are a team on this one!! He also it seems to be trying to understand your feelings in this matter and I think that sounds like a good step. It has to be a good feeling.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I'm sorry to hear things have been so rough for you lately..but am encouraged by your husband wanting to be a team with you in dealing with the gossip.
I don't have any wise advice, but I am thinking about you.
Hiya Tal! Sounds like you are glad the weekend is over and seems like Monday has greeted you with a better PMA! Again, I urge you to trust in your gutt---all the signs point to malicious behavior on someone outside your sitch--you know-misery loves company! (think how we've been on that side of things--wanting to make OW life miserable because ours was when OW was sharing (in my case is sharing) things with H) OW is now the woman scorned and this is her only way to fight back! Fortunately, she doesn't seem to have your temper or inclination to become a convict! LOL I think that H wants to approach this together is fantastic and a very good sign!!! Also, that he acknowledges that you can "snoop" when insticts tell you to--that is a huge thing--good stuff!!! Hang in there--remember each day is a new adventure!!!
Stopping by with fresh croissants for us all. We've had some hard times, but we're staying sane. Pass the raspberry jam.
Tal: I have a lot of respect for the discipline you are showing. I'm having to learn to control my temper, and bear pain I thought would be unbearable, too.
Sounds like your alien has a heart in there. Just remember not to push -- never works, they resist. And when you get what you want, smother 'em with jam. I mean cheerlead.
I KNOW I'm just a message on the screen, but I swear you are reading this one right. Like I said, my gut told me this was bullsh!t coming from somewhere in that office.
Pathetic thing, she can't have him so she has to make up stories to hurt his chances with you? Nice person, huh?
Way to go on the teamwork...everything about how your H is handling this cries out that this time, he too is the victim of rumours. He's not "running scared", doesn't seem to have a thing to hide.
Quote: I try and try to figure out what the heck H could have possibly been attracted to in OW!!! She's got fuzzy carrot red hair, deathly pale white/blue skin and it looks like someone took all of her facial features and smashed them all together in the middle of her face! I can't see even one aspect of her that he would be physically attracted to! I wonder if he had to dress her up in lingerie, high-heels and put a bag over her head in order to have the "two attempts and one partial-success" that he had in trying to have sex with her.
I know I'm being a bit catty, but if you gave that comedian Carrot Top a sex-change and badly botched plastic surgery.....
You had me almost rolling on the floor laughing. The image I got was just too funny.
Seriously, though, you handled the situation so well. It struck a nice balance between instantly killing him and being a doormat. If it does turn out the the rumour started with the OW, I hope you guys can come up with a well-conceived, deliciously evil payback. Have fun with it.
GEEEEZZ, you guys! I come back to see all of you folks giving me support and passing food too!
Feel like I've been through a real poop storm recently! I'm all disinfected and showered now, so I guess I can sit down and have a bite to eat.
It does make sense that Butt-Ugly would do something like that for vengeance. Causing me additional pain, causing more problems between he and I and causing him humiliation (not only in the workplace, but in the general community he works in is definately a stupid stunt if that's what she did!
I know that before he found out that she wasn't so sweet and innocent, he felt guilty for the relationship. I never have gotten an impression that he felt anything MORE than that about her. If she and/or her little friends at work are the root of this gossip, which I suspect they are---well, let's just say H has as much of a temper as I do. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes if he checks around and goes from feeling "nothing" for her to hating on her.
Ya know, when I started checking into who this woman was, there were a lot of questions that came up. I'm a degreed/licensced Paralegal Investigator, and so I'm not kidding about the ability to snoop. I didn't go too far with things at that point, but I did find some odd things out about her.
I found out that she's had 3 different social security numbers issued in 3 different states (bet the IRS would like to know) and has a criminal history in each of those states (bet she didn't put that down on her background check for her job). I found it very interesting how well she is hiding herself (from angry betrayed wives? from creditors? from an ex-husband she owes child support to? who knows?) because she's got an unlisted cell phone number in someone else's name, lives in a VERY rural hard to locate area, has only a P.O. Box (rented in a ficticious name) a car that is licensed to someone I have not been able to trace so far and a few other things that really make you go hmmmmmm.
Shiny, you asked me what I can do to snoop: I don't think I'm going to go too much into detail here, but because I've done a lot of skip-tracing of people to serve court documents on, I have a bag of high-tech tricks and low-tech disguises that you wouldn't believe.
