One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[forward]

"No one has ever been there for her on a consistant basis, including OM. "

Sleeper, Your situation is tough to navigate. I would suggest that you need to let her miss you. And you need some limits.

You may need to have the conversation "I still care about you and you can always count on me in an amergency or where it pertains to the kids, but OM is your partner now and this is not a healthy situation for me."

Then give it time to work and let it be for a while.

I still think your situation is promising and possibly ripe for DB C. Maybe a DB C would have different advice.

[Bworl]

"I still care about you and you can always count on me in an amergency or where it pertains to the kids, but OM is your partner now and this is not a healthy situation for me."

This sounds like "little boy" to me.

And it pushes her TO the OM.

And it gives the OM significance.

You were accomplishing the exact opposite of these three things with your handling of the situation PRIOR to going no contact.

The bigger man does NOT go on to the woman he loves about interactions with her "not being healthy for me."

Sleeper, if it really IS hurting you to be available to her, then simply make yourself less available. But refusing phone calls to the point where she starts thinking you don't want to talk to her seems entirely counterproductive to the result you would like.

I can understand that it could be frustrating to continue helping her and doing things for her, and STILL have her involving herself with him.

But the goal here is to show that YOU are the one she can't be without. The goal is to make YOU the one that she turns to, NOT him.

In MY opinion of course...


Bill

[forward]

Well, poor Sleeper is getting some conflicting comments. It seems to me that he has had some progress from wife, so if that is case, maybe continue on path.

However, he seems to get MORE contact when he goes dim, and a little pursuit, even.

How is W going to miss him if he is always there? When she turns to OM and realizes he doesn't cut it, sleeper will look golden.

[sleeper]

Things were boring for a while but not anymore.

Probably had about a dozen calls today (no joke). I answered most of them but a few I missed because of leaving my phone in the car, etc. There's a bewildered/worried tone in her voice the next time I talk to her after missing one of her calls.

She and OM were at the same church service as me and the kids. It was a standing room only service and after greetings she and OM walked away from me. I didn't mind because one of her female friends who had come over to say hi to both of us stayed and talked to me. She took the kids after church because it was really her time with them and they had two b-day parties to attend. She seemed a little apprehensive about taking them, like it wasn't in her plan. I learned why later.

She called several times in the afternoon between the parties. She told me she was exhausted. She told me she had slept part of the night in her car in her driveway last night. The power was out at her house and the battery backup on the security system ran low and a low battery alarm began. I didn't ask why she didn't go to OM's house (he never lost power as far as I know).

I met her and the kids at the last party when it ended to get the kids. She asked if I had seen the remote to her TV. I told her it was on the nightstand last time I saw it but OM had been to her house since and she might ask him. When I said OM's name she interrupted me by saying, "You mean the butthole?"

I told the kids we needed to walk X to her car. I offered her my arm as she stepped off the curb and she took it. When we got to her car I reached across her to fasten her seatbelt after she sat down. My arm accidently brushed across her boobs (they're bigger than they used to be due to her boobjob). She didn't seem to notice but I sure did.

I took the kids and drove east as she drove alone into the sunset.

[TRUSTING]

maybe a cold shower sleeper

[sleeper]

Lots of contact today.

It began with her calling early this AM because she was worried about S. He had told her he didn't feel well the evening before. She spoke with him.

A couple of hours later she called me at work to ask me the same questions (necessary?). She also shared some frustrations and challenges that have developed at work.

One minute before I got off work she texted me to ask I wanted her afterschool care service to pick the kids up for me so I wouldn't have to. I nearly passsed out. That is the first time she has offered anything like that. There were a couple of times I requested help, but she has never offered out of the blue. Since when has she been concerned about the challenges I face as a single parent?

She called later in the late afternoon to share some personal accomplishments of which she is very proud.

I'm not sure what is going on but it seems things are changing.

[sleeper]

X called this afternoon to let me know she failed to take something to school for the kids.

I asked her if something was wrong, told her she sounded tired. She responded by telling me she was "exhausted and stressed out" but didn't say why. She told me she had to get rid of the kittens she rescued, they are all over the house and she can't handle them.

Grown woman vs 3 kittens: Kittens win?

I have the kids this week so why is she so stressed out and tired?

[sleeper]

X called.

She said she tried to me call this AM, both cell and landline and got no answer. She sounded p*ssed, said she was afraid something was wrong. Said her battery was going out and she would call later.

Her problem.

[forward]

Yup, sleeper. She's calling an awful lot.

[sleeper]

She called again and I missed it.

This time I was outside with the kids and she called the landline. She left a message for the kids only. Weird thing was she said "goodnight" to them and it's only about 7PM. I returned her call when I got the message and she didn't answer.