Hey Coach, Steady...thanks for checking in on me. Been trying to stay with you guys, but just have not had much to post myself...feeling a little blah in my own sitch, and not sure why, or if there is any feedback I need...trying to wing it and go with what I know I guess.
This week, overall was not a bad week.
Bworl and Forrest, if you are still out there you are going to disagree with me on this I am sure...but I felt a down cycle coming, and I am pretty sure she is there right now. I DO NOT believe I did anything to bring it on....I was positive and happy all week and felt like there really was some movement early on.
Did I do something...make her feel something...push too hard? I guess I will never know. I was expecting it...was that the problem?
Since my camping trip, she has not been out and about much...good thing? Positive point? I don't know....I will take a 2x4 there for not continuing the GAL that I was on....but that tug-o-war of mine. She is there, willing and available...I ask, we go out, we have dinner at home, we have these fun nights. Am I afraid if a don't, I will never have another? I don't know. I will give her all the space she wants and needs...in almost 3 weeks now, she has not taken any, and neither I have I.
There has been an almost relaxed, normalcy in the air for some time now. Did that scare her?
Sunday was the dinner with her brother and SIL, the football game and a pretty boring evening at home...we were both tired and just watched some TV.
Monday...she was off and it was my late night. Texts back and forth all day...she stayed home and caught up on housework, but towards the end of the day let me know she was bored, asked if I wanted to "hang out" and have some drinks and play a game and when I would be home. The "best friend"(very scarce the last couple of weeks) was supposed to stop over but never made it.
When I got home she had already had a few drinks and wanted to go out for some fresh air, so we did. At one point she asked me to stop the car and pulled me close so she could kiss me and give me a hug. We made it back home had some snacks and few drinks, went to bed and ML....I felt her close that night...closer than usual...that giving of herself that is there sometimes.
Tuesday, she works and I am off. Friendly and chatting in the morning, stopped to see her at work and brought her a tea. I asked about dinner and she said she was going to the park with my SIL and SIL's nieces and nephews....good, I thought, she has not been out in a while. I figured they would do something afterward and make an evening of it.
Me...can't keep my big mouth shut. I am mowing the grass as she leaves and tell her to call if she wants to meet up for some wings and a game of pool, maybe a beer later...looks at me funny and says "Uhhh..maybe"...did I feel a little coolness??
What does she do?? Cut the night short with SIL, I think, and give me a call..."You really want to go play some pool? I'll pick you up so we only have one car".
Crazy night ensues....out later than we should have been...closeness, talking...home to ML. During the night while talking I get one of those...."how come no body we know likes the same food we like, or beer we like...or music we like??...how come nobody 'gets it' like us??"....WTF?
Yesterday, Wednesday....both at work...text is scarce and short. D is making dinner and we all are home for the evening and W and I are tired from the previous night out....dinner and TV and I am off to bed early...she sleeps on the couch.
Today, Thursday...pretty much no contact at all. She called early while I was at work because she couldn't find her keys and found them while on the phone with me.
She was not home when I got here and left no note or text to tell me where she was or when she would be home.
I know she is with my SIL having a "hair night"(long story-overheard conversation), but why couldn't she just have left me a note, or sent me a text to tell me??
I get the roller coaster and the push/pull. I felt her draw very close, I think, recently and maybe this is her way of telling me to not get my hopes up without having the "talk"?
So...here I sit..just wondering..WTF? Like I said, don't think I did anything "wrong", other than go with the flow and be there with her....not any pressure that I can think of, and if there was she gladly accepted.
Is she cycling....scared? Did she just realize how close she was letting me get again and needed to back off? If so, fine.
You know what bothers me most? This evening. No matter what she is feeling, why just blow me off and not even have the courtesy to just leave me a note or send me a text and say she was going out or would not be home?
We are not working on our R or the marriage. To the best of my knowledge nothing has changed in her mind...she is still on track for a separation and expecting me to leave at some point in the future.
Do I ask why? Do I tell her I would like to know where she is and if she is not going to be home? Do I have that right in all of this? Or do I just act like I could care less? Do I call her on this last 6 months and push for a decision??? I can assume where that will go....just keep plugging along and GAL hard and strong???
This just seems to get more strange as time goes on...there is not a sitch like this on this whole board in the months I have been here and I will bet there will never be one.....coming up to 6 months now and not a change. Up, down...good times and very few bad....ML....weekends away...dinners, partying...the best 6 months we have had in years, and.....????
