Quoting talitsa: Will he think I'm being a broken-record and fear that I'll never get over this if I honestly tell him what I'm dealing with? Will he see that I'm trying to get to a place where we can help each other heal, or will his guilt and defensiveness make him feel like I'm always pulling out his infidelity to rub in his face?
Is what I want reasonable? Possible? Will asking for these things bring us closer or drive us apart? Should I ask for what I want and then have no expectations about getting anything out of it?
Ok--well lots of questions there Tal-I think you do need to bring those questions up--and in a safe environment-C sessions, you want to have all your cards out on the table, but at the same time reassure him that you are committed to making this work. I think your H will certainly understand that the healing is going to take time and that there are probably certain things that you won't get over too quickly and then something like this past event can happen and throw you into a tailspin! IT IS NORMAL EMOTIONAL RESPONSES. I think what you want is reasonable and thus far your H seems like a pretty reasonable man--as long as you reassure him when approaching these needs, he'll know that you're not trying to push him away or rub the A in his face. You are both on the same path now--working together for the final goal--that requires open communication--remember communication problems are probably part of the original problem--so you can't backslide and close communications when it is this important!! I think asking for what you want with no expectations would be a grand idea!! You really are handling this very well and I can feel your emotions in your writing...take some deep breathes and look back on all the progress you have made--this "incident" as your gutt tells you was a false alarm--I know about intuition as the very first night H and OW went out I have a funny feeling--it was 3 weeks later that I had confirmation of things...if your gutt tells you he's being truthful and your intuition tells you to believe him--that is the best you can do--and maybe this was all a test to see how you would handle this type of sitch--and now you know--so more work w/ MC on how to deal with this! You are doing an amazing job though--keep up the good work, I see you guys going down the road to recovery hand in hand--!! Cheers!
