Back to business. I guess LL described it very well in a post I read of her's recently. The wound is deep and the scar will always be there. It really comes down to whether you want to split up (divorce) and still be scarred, or try to work on your R despite the scar.
I've seen so many of the good people on the bb here struggle with their need for reassureance from their spouses. I would like to have much more of that than I get from my H.
I know that he's the type that thinks I should know by his actions. In one of our MC sessions, I was talking about feeling taken for granted and overburdened by the house, the bills, the kids because H works nights and that leaves me with most of the responsibilities. He said, "I told you that I appreciated you for all of that. Remember that card I wrote you? I acknowledged all of that and told you how much I appreciate you for that".
I said, "Babe, you wrote me that card 6-years ago". He said, "I guess I thought that since I'd said it once, I didn't need to keep saying it".
At this point, the MC was BELLY-LAUGHING at us!
I know that isolating with our feelings and not trying to communicate or work like a team has been a big problem for us. I know I would feel better if I were hearing from H that he's being totally honest with me now, that he will do whatever is necessary not to have this EVER happen again, etc. I wish I didn't have so much trouble talking to him about the struggles I still have on a daily basis...the rage, the hurt, the fear and the sadness that still come up from time to time.
I don't know if it is at all reasonable for me to want or expect reassurance and communication on that level. Will he think I'm being a broken-record and fear that I'll never get over this if I honestly tell him what I'm dealing with? Will he see that I'm trying to get to a place where we can help each other heal, or will his guilt and defensiveness make him feel like I'm always pulling out his infidelity to rub in his face?
Is what I want reasonable? Possible? Will asking for these things bring us closer or drive us apart? Should I ask for what I want and then have no expectations about getting anything out of it?
