Marriage with WAW ended, but...

[brantacan]

I posted this in newcomers earlier today, but now think i'll get a better response in the WAW forum. it's been a while since I've posted, a long while, but i have been keeping tabs on everyone's stories. I stopped posting as I felt it was necessary for me to begin the detaching process and taking a break from the forum helped me with that.

my WAW and I were seperated for about 1 yr and 3mos after being married for a little over 2 yrs and together over 7. She left for the same reason many WAWs leave; I unfortunately took my W for granted, neglected her, and just became selfish and much too focused on myself while chasing a career. Not purposefully of course, I simply lost sight of what was important in life. She did get involved in a PA w/OM immediately after leaving and was involved w/him emotionally prior to that. OM is a co-worker.

I reacted like the typical LBS when she initially left, however, that stopped pretty quickly. So, for the past year I focused completely on becoming her friend and just being there for her. There were times when I certainly expressed my interest in working on the R, and she knew I did not want to end the M; however, I was not going to put up a fight if that's what she really wanted. We managed to remain very good friends even through the mediation process and while working on D papers together. I just eventually got to a point where "dropping the rope" made sense; which I believe allowed us to remain relatively close, in addition to the fact that I've spent the past year really soul searching and reflecting on where things went wrong and how I could improve myself as human.

Well, last night we signed the dreaded D papers despite the fact that we have been getting along so well. I went into it w/the attitude that "it's just a set of papers" and to be honest it just didn't effect me too much. I had been prepared for it, so that helped as well. As I anticipated; however, she absolutely broke down during and after. I was happy that I was able to be strong and be there to hold and comfort her.

Then something even more interesting happened later that night. I texted her to make sure she was doing O.K. and to let her know that if she needed anything not to hesitate to let me know. I didn't expect a return text or call, but she called about 15 minutes later. Well, we spent about 2 1/2 hours on the phone. Granted she had a couple of drinks, and believe me, I'm not looking into to this too much or over-analyzing it too much, but she spent the entire time expressing how much she appreciated me, cared about me, she even dropped an "I love you" in there, wanted to let me know how sorry she was, etc.... She questioned why I would still be interested in her or wanted to be w/her and let me know that I would find somebody better than her and that I deserved so much more. Even more perplexing; she seemed to be projecting her feelings about the OM by saying things like "you would not approve of him", "you would call him a loser", etc..., etc... she had some other choice words about him. She even made a comment to the effect that her new relationship was so foreign to her and that his 2 kids and the OMs ex made it difficult. Despite all of this, she did still think that her and I just weren't good for each other. I sense a very confused gal, and it just made me so sad, although I remained very strong during the conversation. This was the first time in over a year that I got a glimpse behind the wall she had put up.

so, I'd be curious to here what other WAWs on the forum would have to say about this. I know there are a few like HiC that have had changes of heart. I'm not getting my hopes up and don't have expectations at this point, but I must admit that I'm very curious. I had the sense that her and i would have the above mentioned conversation at some point down the road after things sank in a bit, but certainly didn't expect it the night of signing the papers.

thanks for listening all, and stay strong everybody!