Maybe that's why she's so fiercly attacking me...she's looking to find a weakness to exploit to stop my awesome power and all the massive destruction it brings!
I did talk w/ W last night as I called for D once and got no answer, so I decided to try again. D had fallen asleep on W's chest and that is why I didn't talk to her yesterday.
While we were on the phone last night, W said "I'm not doing this on purpose" referring to my not talking to D. Was that guilt coming out b/c I didn't mention it at all. It was completely unsolicited.
Anyway, I didn't say much except to offer my sympathies for my baby being sick and run down. I didn't look to start and conversations w/ W and the line went quiet after W told me the basics about our child.
I took that as an opportunity to end the conversation - which is something my DB coach told me to do -- make sure I'm the one ending the conversations as she LOVES to have "hang up" power on me. Anyway, I just said, "let her rest as she needs some sleep and I'll check on her tomorrow. Good night." Click.
Tonight I called and left a message and D called right back. We talked for a bit and I found out she'd fallen down at school and scraped up a knee. She said she was doing pretty well, but her knee hurt. She said they had "company" so she wanted to go, so we said good night and I love you and that was it.
The good news is the thought of the "Flavor of the Month" being over there only crossed my mind briefly and I didn't really get affected by it. If he's there, there's nothing I can do about it anyway, so why bother. I'm glad I'm at a point where it isn't bothering me so much any more.
I never wanted to be here, but it is a good place to be.
Well, I'm off to read and head for bed. Talk to you all later.
The two L's were supposed to set up a teleconference w/ the parenting evaluator, but as of yesterday, my L was still waiting to hear back from W's L. This has been a consistent theme of W and her L continually doing things slowly. I'm wondering if W is trying to break me financially so I'll quit the fight. That is probably why W refuses to pay me a dime even though she agreed to do so in front of the judge in court.
The only thing my L has said is it will all depend on what the parenting evaluator has to say. After his ruling, which could come as early as next week, the only things left will be to split up our two pensions and the rest of the items left in the house. So, I don't have anything at this point, but things seem to be positive for me as in this state W has to prove I'm an unfit father in order for me to be denied 50% custody of my D.
...Speaking of the custody issue, W told me today that I get to see D either Friday afternoon to 5 pm on Saturday or Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening. I had discussed this w/ my DB coach and we decided that as long as she has this power there isn't much I can do (my L says the same thing). However, my DB coach wanted me to tell her that I'll be glad when this whole thing is through, so I did put this into my e-mail response to W today:
Quote:
I'm looking forward to finally being able to get the custody issue settled so we all can have some consistency. The constant unknown is difficult and stressful on us all, so once everything is finalized, it will be so much better for everyone, but most importantly it will be better for D.
The reasoning here was the DB coach wanted me to let W know that I was not only going forward w/ my life but also to put her on alert that this power trip will be coming to an end for her soon.
I'm curious as to what reply I may get from W. I should find out tomorrow.
Hey Rob, I think that was very well worded and its great you are still getting coaching from Jody. Also, I was amazed you said you werent too bothered about hte OM being there, which is really strong of you. Perhaps all her latest antics have made something snap in you a little, I dont know, but you sound better. Gosh, we are all hoping you get 50% custody, that would be amazing. I guess it must be hard on your W, that she has to face not seeing her D half the week, I imagine say, Kalni would not be able to bear that.. but then she has no empathy for you that you dont get to see your D much. At least she sort of apologised about this constant missing nighttime call thing, and that you know she's not doing it on purpose to annoy you.
We're all rooting for you, you've done all you can and you must feel nervous and on tenderhooks now, waiting for this ruling,
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I'm betting that your STBXW will blaming you for being too controlling. It is her MO. BTW... What does your W teach? I hope it is not anger management.
Thanks for checking in and for your support. I appreciate all of my on-line friends as you all have my back.
At this point, our October 6 date can't come soon enough. The parenting evaluator is requried by the court to finish in advance of this date, so I'll at least know our custody situation prior to the 6th. I'm hoping we can avoid the judge and just finalize things, but the key ingredient is still the parenting evaluation.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed on a ruling of 50/50, but even if I get it, I can't do it until the house sells and I can relocate. We'll also need to discuss D's school and she LOVES her kindergarten class and teacher, so I'm hesitant to remove her. That is the one thing that sucks about this is the possibility of moving D to another school. It is W's fault, but D won't see it that way and of course, I'll get the blame for it regardless.
I only got to see D for just over 24 hours this weekend as W let me pick between Friday afternoon to Saturday at 5 or Saturday afternoon to Sunday at 5. I choose to get her on Friday as I miss her so much, but it still stunk to take her back yesterday. Again, this can't end soon enough for me.
I still don't have any bites on the house, so I'm praying for someone out there to want to live here. It is a nice place and we've done well w/ it but the market is so terrible everywhere. I'm not a big fan of a 500 billion government buyout of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in the long run, but if it will help sell my house in the short run, I'll be a happy, happy man.
I was a bit depressed looking at an apartment w/ D on Friday afternoon as I realized how much of my stuff I'll have to either sell, donate, or pay to put in a storage unit. I don't know if I can afford to rent anything but an apartment on my solo income, so that was a bit of sobering reality. It is part of life and it is short-term, but it still is a part of reality that bites.
Finally, when I dropped off D to W yesterday at 5, W was dressed up casually, but spiffed up none-the-less. She had her make-up on, pearls in the ears, her hair done nicely and was wearing a nice top and skirt. She did look good and I wondered if she felt the need to look good as kind of a way to "get to me."
I really don't care, but I only thought of it b/c I was in running shoes, a Western Washington University (home of the Vikings) t-shirt, and gym shorts. I had shaven in the morning, but it wasn't for her benefit, but b/c I hated the scruffiness. Anyway, what I'm getting at is I didn't feel one ounce of motivation to get "dressed up" for her. I mean seriously, I was comfortable w/ my gym wear and that was what I wanted to be in.
At first, I'd always make sure I was looking GREAT whenever I saw her, but now, I don't care. I guess that is a good thing, right? I'm no longer trying to impress her in any way. I know what I am and if she can't figure that out, then I've got better things to do w/ my time then trying to make a blind woman see.
I hope you all had a good weekend and I'll talk to you later.
At first, I'd always make sure I was looking GREAT whenever I saw her, but now, I don't care. I guess that is a good thing, right? I'm no longer trying to impress her in any way. I know what I am and if she can't figure that out, then I've got better things to do w/ my time then trying to make a blind woman see.
Now you're living your own life. The changes you've made are for you and your D instead of out of hope for your W. That is a good, good thing.
Thanks for the affirmation. I also think it is a good thing for me to have reached this point. However, I do have to say as I was going back and cleaning out my e-mail box, I came across some e-mails from W back in early January when she was excited to be w/ me again and had broken things off w/ the 1st OM for the 1st time.
It made me a little sad b/c of where we were and then where we ended up roughly 3 weeks later. The whole thing was sad. However, I think I'll always have some saddness about me over this entire thing. It is something that will be a part of my life, but it won't consume me or control my decisions. My saddness is no longer about regret, but just about a saddness over a loss that I did all I could to prevent.
I know now that you can only save yourself. The others have to want to save themselves for themselves. Too many of us are stuck in situations where we're the only ones who were willing to try.
I tried. I'm moving on. It is sad, but it will also be better for me as I'm better for having gone through this hell.
