Hey Nik! Your doggie is beautiful!! Isnt it great recognizing their personalities and moods? they are more easy to understand then men lol! Looks like I have some serious reading to do on you lol! If you find that line, you better share it with the rest of us lol! hugs!
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Nik, it sounds like you have your hands full with the party and your trip to Sonoma. When is your birthday. I think it is so sweet that your H is trying so hard to make your Bday special. You guys have come so far. Glad to see things are going so well.
I'll be thinking of you.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Hey, the behavior your H has NOW compared to when he was having an EA is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. You don't need to keep verifying his actions really. You do need to start trusting him. I know it's hard, but little by little start letting that fear go. otherwise those suspicions will creep in more and more and he'll KNOW your not trusting him and that's not a good feeling either.
the sonoma idea was gREAT! couldn't you ask that guy from the hotel (wasn't he an owner or something) about a deal?
Quote:
He's been feeling extremely guilty and wrote my Mom an 8 page apology letter.
That is incredible. I hope that your mom can take it as such. Has he given it to her yet?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Babygirl Aw thanks! I think that might be the first time my dog's been called "beautiful" . Goofy, adorable, funniest looking dog EVER, yes... beautiful? Not so much! Although I agree. When we first found her I thought I was nuts for wanting to keep her but I love the heck out of her now. Heck yeah easier to figure out than men!! Food, love, snuggly bed, dog is happy. You'd think that's all H needed too eh.
BH Thanks so much!! Yes, I'm pretty excited about it. My birthday is Monday 9/22. ugh, a BD on a Monday? So not fair.. haha. It is SO sweet that he's doing so much.
ST You are SO right about the difference in behavior. Heck just as I'm sitting here typing this... his phone is 3 feet away from me on the table (and this is pretty common). I NEVER saw his phone "unattended" during that whole EA time. I hate that I get suspicious sometimes.
I've gotten MUCH better about not asking the "Is that REALLY where you're going/what you're doing?" question, but I need to drop it entirely. I'm doing better, I have been tempted a few times but not asked. I think part of the problem is he DID lie to me about where he was going a couple of times - knowing that I wouldn't be too happy about it - but it was not AT ALL an EA. One was a "bachelor party planning meeting" for example. I actually AM OK with it but I understand why he was worried I wouldn't be... but it upset me that he lied about it. Well didn't even lie, really, but vaguely said "I'm going to meet 'some friends'" which used to be code for "going to OW's house." So... like I said, getting better but it's taking me some time. Thanks for the reminder. I need to just CHOOSE to TRUST.
Sonoma... ahh yeah, I wish, but even with the people I met there's just nooo way. I suppose I could call the guy and ask to stay at his house but that might be a bit freaky. The hotels are literally booked solid at this point (the last one managed to book up even at $300/night) soo.. not too likely. It's only 90 min. away though so that's OK, we'll get up early and make a fun day of it!
About that letter to my Mom.. I know that he mailed it, and I know that she got it. She won't say anything about it AT ALL. I don't even know if she read it or just tossed it. Probably better for me not to be in the middle of it but I do kinda hope she read it and it healed at least SOME of her ongoing lingering hurt. I agree it was totally awesome for him to do that.
--- No real "update" tonight just wanted to reply!!
For anyone I normally post to but haven't kept up - I'm sorry! I have been trying to cut back on my "DB boards" time as I think I was spending TOO much time here. I see sooo much pain and hurt here and I want to be there for everyone.. and it just isn't possible. I will catch up as I can with those I've posted to lately, though.
Hugs to everyone and hope you're having a good week!!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I forgot - thanks ST on the validation of the Sonoma idea!! I was still a little hesitant as to whether it was a good idea or really bad one.
Also forgot to mention, I bought a VERY cute outfit for our day trip!! Look forward to wearing it and feeling great. TOTALLY a different style for me but I actually kept it on in the dressing room an extra long time checking it out going.. "Really? Does this look good on me? Oh yeah.. it does! But.. really??" (I'm sure you ladies know what I mean)
I also tried out a new hair style yesterday. I'm soooo not "girlie" like that to where I just KNOW what looks good, I have to go by reactions.
Oddly.. I got waves/winks/smiles from about 5 guys on the way to work and 4 on the way home (which RARELY happens once in a day or even WEEK so I really noticed it!). Gals at work (who normally comment on EVERYthing) didn't say anyting but looked at me like "WTF did you do to your hair???" (not in a good way)
Hmm.
By the time H got home I had showered and was ready for bed so never got his "take" on the style. All I can think of based on reactions out and about was maybe it was "cute/sexy" style but not so much "office" style. So, I might try that on Saturday, too..
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
ya, do post some pics, I'd love to see the new hairstyle! and who knows, maybe the girls were thinking, huh, why does SHE look so good today?!
and having 5 looks! omgosh, I can't ever get one...although I did get a "whoo" from a car when I was like 600 feet away...like they could tell what the heck I looked like!
you are right, that the trusting is first a choice. I know you can do it. the more you put up that stop sign, I think the less you'll keep suspecting. just like faking it till you make it.
I still can't believe your having so many people at your party. I can't wait to hear how it goes. Even if we HAD a big party, we wouldn't know that many people to even invite! I bet it will be a blast, and especially for you now that you know not to stress about them so much. hint hint reminder.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Since it seems we posts to the same people fairly often, I thought I better at least once see what's up with your situation. It sounds pretty good. Probably compared to after the bomb, I'm guessing it seems really good. Congratulations.
Since you sound like you are doing so well (although I read that the relationship isn't yet where you'd like it to be...is that right?), I have no advice. Just posting to say congrats. So, now I'm hoping that I didn't jinx you.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I agree.. it's been pretty amazing. Now to stop the turning and go straight, before it turns too far again..haha.
ST hmmmm... normally these girls will say something if you look extra good so I don't THINK that was it but thanks for the thought. I know, all the looks kinda freaked me out. I mean it's nice (and great PMA boost!) but it was pretty weird. You need to get a convertible.. you get a lot more looks that way.
I know, the huge party thing completely freaked me out the first time. At least now, I have practice! Thank you for the reminder not to stress. I am very focused on this, believe me! I'm not sure if you remember this but one of my VERY early 180s (as in.. a little over 2 months post bomb and 2.5 weeks before he moved out), we had a New Year's Eve party. My 180 was to HAVE FUN!! Previous parties I was so stressed out making everything "perfect" I didn't even enjoy them until they were 3/4 of the way over with, and sometimes I wouldn't even see H the entire night! Not that New Year's party.. and, never again, for that matter. Plus, I have Michelle who will tattle on me if I do!
Part of why we have so many people is H invites EVERYONE. All his coworkers, all the neighbors, heck last time he invited these people we ran into at a dance club and had a fun night with. Oh.. and one of the grocery store clerks we see fairly often.. and if I remember right he also invited one a couple of the waitresses at a restaurant we go to a lot. And he tells everyone "bring friends!" So, it adds up! At the first one of these I swear I knew H, my Mom, about 6 friends, and 4 neighbors. The other 60+ people? No clue! I didn't care for that too much so I asked H to stick with people we know (or for coworkers people we actually talk to!) and their friends.. haha. Oh.. and in case it wasn't obvious... there are.. ahem... a few of his coworkers who are very specifically NOT invited, so he's having to be more selective and actually hand out invites to particular people rather than a free-for-all.
Anyway.. long story short.. it'll be fun!! I will make sure of it.
Phoenix Hi! Great to hear from you. Yes, we sure do post to a lot of the same people. Great minds, eh?
Do you have a current thread somewhere, other than that "questioning yourself" one in Newcomers? I'd like to get an idea of your sitch, too. Did you used to post as Just_Me? If so I'm somewhat familiar with your sitch (or at least, your sitch quite some time ago)..
If you want the Reader's Digest version of my sitch it's on the first page of this thread. But yes, things are going really well and getting better - sometimes baby steps, sometimes pretty big ones. Sure there are improvements to be made but isn't that pretty much always the case in an R/M? We're back to "normal" R/M improvements instead of "bomb-worthy" I guess you could say.
We're committed and working on making those improvements TOGETHER and that's the important thing. I am finally just now starting to feel more relaxed and less anxious, which has made a tremendous difference too. I will be thrilled to get to that point that I think either Jen_Jam or SDFoundGirl described as "no longer scanning the skies for bombs" - I can feel it getting closer but I know I'm not quite there, yet. I guess you could say I'm looking way off in the distance instead of right overhead, now.
Thanks for the congrats!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
. Goofy, adorable, funniest looking dog EVER, yes... beautiful? Not so much! Although I agree. When we first found her I thought I was nuts for wanting to keep her but I love the heck out of her now. Heck yeah easier to figure out than men!! Food, love, snuggly bed, dog is happy. You'd think that's all H needed too eh. 
I might just do that (with the pics).