H and I are doing ok...nothing fantastic, nothing super terrible. We have good days and bad days. Our good days consist of doing family things, talking together, back rubs, and foot massages, emails back and forth, doing little nice things for one another, runs to the nearest store for special food "treats" to share, cooking together, watching shows together, doing puzzles together, and making plans for the future. Our bad days consist of verbal battles about feelings and anger rising to the surface about the past. We had one recently where I said mean things to him, and he got super mad at me. It's like as I say the hurtful things, I know I need to stop, but my mouth takes over and it's out before I can stop it. It does nothing to help, it only hurts us, but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm working on it. So, after the fights, we both are depressed and it sets us back a bunch.
Our Retrouvaille sessions are over. Now, what we need to do is go through all that we learned and dialogue about it. Again, the time to do this seems taken up with our son and other stuff, but we know we need to continue so we will.
Marriage is so much work. I always thought that if it was true love it shouldn't be this hard, but I know that it is hard eventually in every relationship. You get past the initial happy happy time and then you have to go through "life". This is where I realize how I depended on others to make me happy all the time.
I still think of the OM, but the feelings aren't as strong. I can honestly say that. I think about how good he made me feel, but I feel differently ABOUT him now. I can see the OM more clearly than I did before. When I fight with H I have to admit I think how things would be different with OM, but I also realize that with OM we would be fighting even more.
Newest book I'm perusing is The Theology of the Body.
