I haven't had a lot to update--we're kind of in a holding pattern right now. Mostly good, nothing dramatic.

Well, don't laugh too hard at me Shiny, but I did have one of my old ASSumptions blown out of the water this weekend. After "thumbs us" so-to-speak, I felt brave enough to bring up somethings about that aspect of our R. Told him that I always had felt him very closed off to me a lot of the time during. In the past, I had always interpreted that sense of him being closed off into himself as: 1) extreme fear of real intimacy and/or
2) he was wishing/thinking of someone else

Ok, so I was brave enough to say all of that, and how I had interpreted it in very negative way making assumptions.
He started laughing really hard and said that because that part of our R has always been very "intense" that he had to do multiplication tables in his head and only odd numbers to boot.

So--I start laughing really hard about the multiplication tables and how I had really done myself so much harm making assumptions all of these years!

It was sort of a strange weekend. It was nice, and H was very affectionate and relaxed. I even noticed how--when my thoughts start going back to bomb-related issues...even before I tell myself to "STOP thinking about that right now!"...H just then will think to hug me. Now I'm very good at hiding it when I am feeling the way I feel when I let my mind go off in that direction. I have often felt that I HAD to hide it, for the most part, in order to save my R. It's almost uncanny --far beyond coincidence--that H seems to know instinctively that I'm struggling. Maybe it's the spiritual connection, maybe it's just living with each other all these years.

Strangely, though...all weekend, H did not say ILY or express that he had missed me. He's usually very free about saying those things often, so it was conspicuous in that he didn't say those things at all while we were together.

I am starting to scare myself that he is feeling the preassure of having committed to moving back home at the end of the month and is having second thoughts. I'm afraid to bring it up to even ask!

Who knows, I could be making more of those damn ASSumptions again. I just don't know yet.