Sandy, I hate to say it, but your opportunity to do something differently than how you've done it before, may not come until he tries to come back to you yet again, and this time we'll handle it MUCH differently (more on that in due time). As you've stated, correctly, you have no way of guaranteeing that he will do this, but I'm pretty sure he will, especially if he sees you moving on and going dim on him.
So for now, let's focus on YOU, and on NOT being available to him or responding to him, unless it's about your daughter. Do nothing to make him feel OK about what's going on, or normalize things. If he says "I'm sorry" (and he will), say "I'll see you Tuesday," or "I'll have D11 call you later," or whatever -- do NOT say "that's OK" or anything even remotely resembling it.
What would you say is your husband's biggest fear?
What do you think he keeps refering to with the..I lost something comment...
He says he loves me.... is it just the new love excitement?
Yes. Don't pay any attention to what he SAYS during this stage; only to what he DOES. When his ACTIONS line up with his WORDS . . . OVER TIME . . . only then will we pay them much heed.
San... I read your thread and I sympathise very deeply with your pain. I too am so hurt and confused at my wife's incredibly heartless, selfish and cruel behaviour. I just wrote this little poem... silly really... but maybe it might help you to see how there really are people who understand how you feel.
The promises and touches, The words to bring back smiles, The nights spent out together, And the trips for miles and miles
And all the while I’m hurting, But afraid to speak my mind, So I put it off and smile back, And pretend she’s being kind
The days and nights go quickly, And my soul cries out to speak, But just wait until a new day, Even though it makes me weak
What game is this she’s playing? And am I right to see… Her eyes sometimes look distant Maybe her thoughts are not with me
So on and on the game goes, And all the time I hide And then she walked away again And it was only me who cried
