Another one bites the dust

[No Longer BH]

lwb - thank you for letting me know that you feel the same as me at times. It helps to see that I am not alone in this.

SC - I appreciate you stopping by. Sorry to see that you are still having such a hard time in your M. From what I have read, it does seem your H is very committed. You are doing great by working on YOU right now. Stay strong.

Karen - well, your H doesnt deserve to see you pantless anymore.;) Good for you for wearing tight pants. I have found that by changing my wardrobe I have been able to change my attitude. It has done wonders with having PMA days. Also helps when H makes comments on how great I look - yes I do and you dont get to have me right now (if I could stick my tongue out right here I would, hehe). I pop over to your party every so often. I can tell your X is still pulling shinangans with you, but you have always been a person of grace and are handling wonderfuly. Thanks for stopping by.

Ready - you know I always enjoy hugs. Especially when they come from someone who is such a loving father. I am going out to pick up the Hendrix book today and see what else I can learn.

KM - I feel so blessed in my life that so many strangers would stop what they are doing just to check in on me. This is such a loving community and I am honored that I have been able to be a part of it. Thank you for your support as well.

Beth - Thanks for your advice. I have been going back and forth on that one for awhile. I am very affraid to lean on him. I am affraid that if I do, then I am going to start to need him. If I need him then I cant let go. But what if me needing him helps fill his love bank? He keeps saying how strong I am, that he always knew that I could handle things because I am strong. Maybe it was my strength that helped drive him away. But yet, he left when I was at my most broken. When I was needy and desperate, all my strength was drained. This is just one I cant figure out on my own.

So, instead of trying to analyze it, I try to stay strong for me and ask him for help in areas where I know I will not become dependant on him. I hope this strikes a healthy balance, one where I still continue to detach but can let him in at times to help him feel appreciated. Maybe that is the key: when I was so strong he was not being admired by me. When I became so broken, he still was not admired by me. Strong, I did not need him. Weak, and I only complained about what he was not doing. Hmm....things to think about for my future R with whomever I end up with.