I just haven't had a lot to say lately, so haven't been posting much.

Recently, H has been communicating a great deal about himself and his emotional makeup...how he thinks and feels. I've been trying to absorb and think about what he's been telling me.

In a nutshell: H puts on a great front about being calm, good natured & unflappable. I had no idea just how angry, irritable & insecure the man really is. What he describes feeling like on an everyday basis is what I feel like when I'm having a bad case of PMS.

Luckily, through what he's learning in therapy and MC, he is totally owning his own dysfunction instead of blaming me for his feelings of anger, annoyance, insecurity. He's doing a lot of work on shifting his perspective in the way that he sees the world and other people.

His therapist tells him that his job is to find the joy in his interactions with other people instead of focusing on what annoys him. Coincidently, I have been listening to the audio book version of "The Art of Happiness" about the Dalai Lama, and the book is directly on point to the work H is doing. I'm going to give him my CD's of the book when I am done as it is at the top of the reading list his therapist gave him.

I have my own work to do in this area...and that is what I'm concentrating on. Part of my shift in perspective right now is:

I don't have to take responsibility for my H's unhappiness. I had been owning too much of it and feeling like I had been a failure or H would not have had an A or initiated a separation.

I have to be immensly grateful that H is choosing to work on himself and make huge changes in how he relates to the world...choosing to be happy!

I know that he is primarily doing this work for himself, but he doesn't have to. He could choose to leave me and his family to become a grumpy old recluse. He is choosing to change instead, because he loves me dearly and loves his family.

Keeping up my PMA is a gift to myself, but also a good example for H. Recently he told me that my ability to stay positive and not sweat the small stuff is something that he admires a lot about me and part of why he was initially drawn to me.

Anyway, I'll be checking in and checking in on all of you here, but I'm going to focus on JJ's 7-step excersizes for awhile.

Thanks for reading my ramblings and thanks for caring!