Just checking in and doing a little journaling. Not much going on this week. I'm getting lots of work done at work and around the house, just routine stuff.

The meds are helping to quell some of the overwhelming anxiety I had been feeling before. I haven't felt the need to take the Xanax much.

I had to drop something off to H at his work, and he made a real point of being quite openly affectionate toward me while I was there. I had thought he did it just because he knows I'm still very upset about the whole issue of him still working where XOW works. I just now realized that he wouldn't have been so openly affectionate toward me at his work if there were even a shred of a relationship still ongoing between he and OW. That's something to pull out and remind myself when I start going into a mental tailspin wondering if I am still being betrayed. Those tailspins are coming less and less often these days.

This is one of H's weekends off and we have some plans. It is still difficult to deal with him only staying over those two weekends a month. I miss him very much, even though we do talk on the phone several times a day and when schedules allow, he comes over to have coffee with me in the morning while I'm getting ready for work.

I do know that this seperation does have an end-date now, and that has done far more for my peace of mind than even the meds .

Right now, I am trying to notice all of the little things that H does and express appreciation.

I'm also looking very closely at my negative assumptions. I'm not as organized as Sage, to be able to list them out, but I recognize them when they come up! I am also going to try something new. Instead of getting frustrated by my H's negative assumptions, I'm going to be more verbal about mine and how I am questioning their validity and reframing those negative assumptions into something positive.

If he gets something out of seeing how I am doing that work, and chooses to work on his own stuff, fine. If not--that's his choice and not something I'm telling or teaching him to do.

Tommorow we're going to a big oyster bake, bluegrass music thing on the beach. Should be fun.

We are both feeling so much better now, not having to worry about whether or not sex can occur. Thanks to whoever invented those little blue pills (although, we're finding that at least one herbal equivelant works well and is much less expensive). The whole issue was such a strain on our relationship before, expecially as H wouldn't discuss it and wouldn't seek help for it.....and me thinking it was partially caused by him being bored with me and not attracted to me anymore. Having that whole issue resolved has been like the ice breaking up in a frozen river and now the rest is starting to thaw.