Here's an update. We are continuing to go to MC and IC. I went on anti-depressants and Xanax (as needed). Most of the time, H is positive but still gets into some major negative funky stuff.
After our MC sessions we usually go have coffee and talk for awhile. Over the last few weeks, we have made a lot of progress and have settled on H will move back home before school starts for our youngest.
We have decided that we need to do more day-trip activities. That seems to really meet several different goals: 1. getting away from the teenagers for awhile 2. playing & having fun 3. time to talk about our R and do some problem-solving in between all the fun stuff
H complained to MC about a couple of areas where we have some continuous trouble: 1. he's very lineal in his thinking and takes a LONG time to get anything done 2. I'm more end result oriented and get a bit manic about finishing projects 3. I complain that he drives too fast 4. He complains that I drive too slow
All of these things were examples of us "not being compatable". MC told him that if he thinks he'll find someone that he's 100% compatable with, he may as well go live on a mountain because that's just not realistic. She told him that she though that in most ways, we were very compatable and that we should look at those ways that we DON'T mesh as challenges to come up with some creative problem-solving. {{{Thank you MC for pointing out that the glass is HALF-FULL, not HALF-EMPTY!!}}}
H was very negative after the MC session, though. He actually seems sometimes to be trying to talk me OUT of our R. He says things like: 1. We're learning all of this stuff, but he might not be able to change and I will outgrow him 2. He doesn't see me being happy with him for the next 20-30 years 3. People should expect to be happy almost all the time if they are living their lives the way they want to 4. If you aren't happy almost all the time, you should chuck your current life and make a new life for yourself 5. He isn't looking forward to the part about moving home that involves the stress of living with the kids. He says he feels like he's held hostage to the never-ending trauma-drama of living with teenagers.
I tried not to show that I was getting reactive to what he was saying. I reasurred him in many ways that I did love him even if there were areas that I would love to see improved between us to make our relationship stronger and better for both of us. I told him that I could totally relate to his frustrations about the stress of living with teenagers--but we are very nearly at the point where we can see them launched into their own adult lives. I told him that I wasn't worried about living with him in the "empty nest" afterward and that I thought we'd have a lot of fun and be a lot more relaxed. SIGH.....It's hard enough to keep my own PMA...without H having all this angst. He tells me that his C is trying to help him find ways to halt the negative obsessing, but so far he hasn't found anything that works.
The next day, and since he has been more positive, but I did ask him to please go get the Effexor that the Dr. prescribed him many months ago.
