I know that my threads go all over the place...it is when I am at the darkest, weakest moments that I want to hit the rewind button (hint - there ISN'T ANY!!!)
Gratefully, those dark times don't last anywhere near as long, and they are farther and fewer between. Now that I have the sadistic co-dependence thing clear in my head, I also feel stronger, able to protect and defend myself from getting sucked back into that place. It is a very sad thought that I have to protect myself from the person who I was most intimate and vulnerable with, but that is the reality of today.
IC reminded me last night to find something special, just for me. That there were so many concessions made over the years, that this is the time that I can find myself again. Suggested the dancing, maybe taking a class just for kicks....we'll see. I'm still adjusting to the routines at home, being back to school. Being able to sit and read or veg in front of the tv for an hour or two on that rare occasion.
