New Thread-Husband Moved in With OW(T2L)

[Trying2live]

Ok re-group. If he's coming over to see you then DB. Throw away what you did a little while ago, no biggie we all have set backs.

Re-do your make up etc etc and be prepared. Perk up, you can do it. Go schedule a massage or something.

I find it weird that he wants to treat you to a b-day lunch but doesn't want the marriage((gag)). He needs a taste of what life without you is going to be like. Wish you could be gone when he comes to see you and have someone say someone took you out to lunch or anything to get his mind wondering why you aren't sitting like a puppy dog waiting for his scraps.
Ya know I don't know that H was unhappy for years. Dr. James Dobson says that in their mind they re-write the marriage history to justify everything, so your going to hear all that nonsense. I mean look how long you were married, unhappy people don't stayed married too long.
Someone sent me this it's called "reverse babble" I think we can ALL use it when it comes to our spouses. Become indifferent. Example below:
You take their own words and use them against them.

Him: "I didn't think you would forget me so quickly" (for taking pictures down)
You: "Hey, you've moved on with OW. I'm just reflecting your wishes."

Him: "I don't want to be unhappy in a marriage"
You: "Me neither"

OK HE sent me all this info too so I'm gonna share it with ya'll: See below:
There's others that have much better examples, but the idea is to show strength.

Yes, weakness is unattractive, but a man will really react to the idea of losing you.

There was a woman on this board who had a husband who left to live with another woman. The man was cake eating. He'd come home to her twice a week to get a home cooked meal and have SF with the wife. But then he'd go to the OW.

She put up with this for a crazy amount of time.

He responded when she upset the balance and tipped the scales in her favor.

How did she do this?

She started acting like she had a life outside of waiting for him. He came home to get his dinner and she didn't have one made. She was dressed to the nines and acted in a hurry to go because of "plans". What were the plans? Going to the library or meeting some girlfriends, but she didn't tell him that.

So every time he saw her she appeared to be ready to go somewhere and looked like a million, as if she was going on a date. He would ask her what she was doing, she would be vague.

She gave him the very real appearance that she was moving on and he was losing her.

She wasn't out doing anything self destructive such as running around with many men. She did give the illusion that she was dating again or putting herself out there.

She sent herself flowers. She no longer begged him to come home. She appeared to be moving on.

She took control.

This shook him. He realized she wasn't going to wait forever for him and she executed like a champ. I wish I could find her link. It was known on this forum as "The Success Story" and it was very inspirational.

I think guys are more vulnerable to this tactic from betrayed wives than wayward wives are to betrayed husbands.

It's something about being male and losing your mate while out doing your thing and acting like an idiot.

Don't let him blame things on you. This is all his fault. So if he starts blaming you for anything, reverse babble.

But understand that you can't reason with him in any way. Waywards are not reasonable. Their reality is created in their own heads. Some wake up after a few months. Some wake up after a few years.

Some even move on and remarry the new love in their lives, but they do so without fixing what they have broken in themselves. So they end up in a new disaster a few years down the road.

So the best thing you can do for yourself is to execute the 180.
Start acting indifferent and like you're moving on with your life and I guarantee you'll see results. He wants you to beg and plead. Don't. Start moving on and he will respond to this.

My mother was stuck in the mode of begging for a looooong time. She begged and pleaded.

My dad didn't respond until she got mad, gave him a big Plan FU and started to take control of her own life.

She started to work out like a madwoman, getting in such great shape that she was on the border of being able to compete in fitness competitions.

She started going out with the girls and not waiting around for my dad.

She quit begging.

My dad responded.

He wanted to cake eat and tried to get my mom back, but he'd gone a bridge too far.

She'd had enough and was moving on.

He got really angry and stormed in on the my brother, sis, and I one night. He was upset that we weren't giving my mom grief over the fact that she was out with friends and that there was a guy in their group.

The kids exploded on him. It was the first time he faced the full unrestrained raged of his three kids. He left with his tail tucked between his legs and probably out of fear that my brother and I were standing up to him and were enraged to a point where our anger scared him.

Your kids will want to protect you and the rage they have inside is simmering. It will explode someday on him if this continues. But you have the responsibility as a mom to be strong for them and be aware that it is easy to get into the trap of having your kids try to become your protectors and that they will want to parent you.

The answer is to be indifferent right now and start to move on as if you don't care.

Men WILL respond to this. The idea of "their" woman moving on and dating again will shake them.