Husband's Missed Oppotunity #2

[Startingover2]

He is grasping at straws and thinks he found a supposed 'weakness' in you. I think its so typical. My H does the same thing. Taking AD's is not bad for you or baby. Lots of normal people take them. Your H should be on meds! Try not to listen. I told you about my visit with my H yesterday and all he could point out was the demise of the relationship was because I overreacted to his and OW's 'friendship'.

If someone put you and your H side by side and listed the character of each of you. You would be tipping the scale on the good side and he knows that.

[Babygirl]

Hugs sweetie!!! I am so angry he said that about you taking an AD! Starting those helped me so much, and I cant imagine surviving right now without them. When my H found mine he was wierded out too, and first fight afterwards told me to go take another happy pill. my response to him was similar to yours, since you seem to be so unhappy in life, you should try taking them too! least he shut up and hasnt said a thing about them again! altho I know he needs them lol!
You did great changing the subject. And the close of your post? I could feel strongness in your words!! Today is another new day, you can do this!
hugs!

[blindsided1]

I recognize this SO2 & BG. I know he is grasping for anything he can get his hands on. If anything, taking the AD's should show that I am trying to better care for my daughter. He DOES need to be on meds. Sad thing is, about a week before he left me, the doctor prescribed him prozac because of depression. The day he moved out, he stopped taking it. I guess he figured being with OW would cure it. He says it has, but who knows - he's a liar quite often.

My side of the scale would still be on the ground. "Sorry H" - just lashing out

[Babygirl]

So it was ok for him to be prescribed them, but not you? whatever. and one thing I have read on this board many places is that the OW is like a drug to him. and only HE can fix his life, the OW cant. someone had even posted statistics on how many of those relationships actually make it. I was amazed at how few!
Isnt it better for us to lash out here, so we can concentrate on dbing when we have to interact with them?
my dad always says, being on the ground, leaves you a shorter distance to fall, sometimes the ground is ok. as long as you dont bury down into the ground.

[Startingover2]

OMG blindsided....my H is on prozac too. They are so similar!

[blindsided1]

At least your H is taking his meds. My H took them for a few days, his counselor told him that he needed to let OW go and figure out what it was that he really wanted. What did he do? Stopped taking the meds and left me to go live with OW.

That was a waste of money - what's the point of going to counselling if you are going to ignore any and all advice? His problem. He still needs counselling and he knows it, he tells me and his Mom so.

Not my problem, not my problem, not my problem.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

okay, wait a sec guys.

on the money issue, Ya, that is wrong. he's feeling the pain of having to deal with his consequences, so he's just using his defensive and I'm sure OW is telling him that you are going to take whatever you can from him. and B, that is EXACTLY what you need to do for him, write it all down. my H thought I was doing nothing at home, so I made a 3 page list of ever second of my day and showed it to him. I mean, everything.

on the ADs. your H really didn't do anything until you backfired at him. now, I'm going to copy the message you wrote in a sec so you can see. IMHO, your H could very well be making sure your fit to watch K. on the other hand, of course it's possible that he could be being vengeful and plotting against you, but I really don't think that's the real reason. Now, I did not hear the tone of his voice when he was saying this, and that can also make a diff. But him asking you about the zoloft and why you didn't tell him, seems like a question worth asking. it's not really his business, but I understand that he would like to know these things. But it wasn't until you brought up that he needs medication that he went on the defensive and using the drugs against you.

of course that's not right, but I believe he only said this out of reaction to what you said.

perhaps I missed something, but I'll check now...

[Startingover2]

The meds aren't helping my H. That's for sure.

Your H should have done what the counselor said but that is too hard for them. They don't want to face the music and be stand up men.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I was wrong about when the problem started....it was earlier.


H "when did you start taking zoloft?"

B "how do you know that?" already, you were defensive

H "the insurance company sent information about it to me"

B "my doctor said I should take it because after the baby was born I felt overwhelmed with the baby, bills, the divorce and had some signs of postpartum depressions." this answer is just fine

H "why didn't you tell me that you was taking it.

B "I didn't think I needed to and why would I? What? So, you can be all proud of yourself for putting me into a position where I need to take an anti-depressant just so I don't cry every morning and every night?" this was the wrong answer and caused him to backfire on you

H "He said he doesn't care, as long as it doesn't interfere with my ability to raise our daughter." I'm actually surprised that his response wasn't worse than this

B "I asked him what does that mean?"

H "think about it. You're a UCLA graduate. Depression leads to abandonment."

B "I did say that he could benefit from some medication, sometimes."

So, he starts eluding to the fact that because I'm taking AD's, I may not be able to take care of K well enough. Now, I'm pissed. But, I remain calm. I just said "I did this FOR K. So I could take care of her better." this was a good response, and would have been good if stated above when he asked why didn't you tell me and you could have stated that if you thought you couldn't handle her care, then you would talk to him about it

So, IMO, your H asked you a warranted question, but you took offense to it, and you reacted. Had you not reacted that way, and just took it as is, that he was concerned for K, then we wouldn't be talking about it. I cannot say for sure that he is not trying to look for something to get at you, but the more you react to him, the more he WILL use things against you (as it's very possible the OW is encouraging that).

does that make sense? I'm sorry, I just always look at things from another angle, and I want people to understand from another's perspective.

hey, maybe you should have asked him if HE was depressed? I'm just kidding. I

[blindsided1]

ST - I know that some of things I said were not right and I believe I expressed that in my post above. And, you are right, I got defensive, right away. I should have looked at it "as if" he was concerned.

So, he calls me today, just to chat, at work. Weird. Then he had to go. He did mention how K is 3 months old today and he can't believe that it's already been 3 months. I told him "I know. She's growing up really fast." Wanted to add: and your missing soooo much. I sent him her birthday pic (it's on Alt Univ) and a little video of her grabbing and shaking her rattle - first time she's done that.