How is it easier for him NOT to hear from me. I feel like out of sight out of mind.
When we talk he has reality of what he has done to his family staring him in the face.
Please explain.
Sandy
Sandy,
That's a good and fair question. I'll answer it two ways:
1. IF you could maintain your emotional strength during your encounters and conversations with him, then yes, getting some "truth darts" in, and letting him feel your disapproval can be effective. But you go all "melty woman" around him, and THAT does NOT help.
2. He needs to miss you. If you pursue him (or even accept HIS calls), this won't happen. Think of an entertainer, spinning plates on sticks. Someone who is cheating often likes to have TWO plates spinning -- you and OW. Also, he wants to "normalize" things with you, and know in his mind that "oh, she's okay with this." Maintaining daily contact with him allows him to keep you as his "backup plate", and also to feel like "see? she'll get over this."
What you want him to feel is "She will SURVIVE, hell -- she even seems like she's doing WELL -- but she is NOT okay with this." You're not near emotionally ready for your daily presence (either on the phone, in person, or via text message/e-mail) to make him feel this strength from you. Until you ARE ready and stronger, my advice would be to ignore him, UNLESS it has something to do with the children.
I'll add in a #3, and Sandi, WDID or some of the other FWAW could explain this better. You "staring him in the face" is going to make him run like hell AWAY from you.
