I think I am heading to first

[yenko69]

Guess it has been awhile since I posted. Not to much has happened until today. My W and I have not talked a whole lot in the last few days.

This morning she called me on her way to work. I was at work heading back to the office. She asked if that was me that she met on the highway. I told her yes. She said she was not going out of state with her cousin this weekend. She said he was taking her car if that was all right with me. Told her that was fine. (her car)

She then said she made an appointment with L Friday. She said that she needed to get this over with so people would get off her case. (she catches alot of crap about the A from her family and others) The L said that it should not be a problem since we can agree on an even financial split. She asked me if that was still the case. I hesitated and said no it should not be a problem. She asked why I hesitated and whether or not I was going to blind side her with something. I told no I was not. She then wanted to know what the hesitation was for.

I told her it was still not what I wanted and that it hurt. She said she never meant to hurt me. I told her that I never meant to hurt her either. She said she knows. Then she said that she had to go because she was starting to cry and had to go to work.

She had to go to work is kind of irritating. I was at work and could get hurt or killed if my head is not on straight. When I got to the office and went outside to smoke I wondered where my tazer was. I had put it on the charger and didn't remember doing it. The sheriff was understanding he was divorced about 20 years ago and said take a couple days of sick time.

Talked to another friend at work. He said that his wife was upset that my W had not called her or returned her calls. They talked often when we were in MC and since this A started she has not heard from her.

It does hurt bad. Rationally I know I will be ok and move on, emotionally is a different story. The only thing I can do is hold a little until this is over and then move on with my life. Sorry for those that in previous threads thought this would work out. I don't have any hope left.

So it is time to go beat on old cars and drink beer.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yenko,

It's only over if you say it's over. There's no reason why you can't delay things, and try to keep fighting. Can you go to your deathbed knowing you gave this everything you got?

Between us girls, do you REALLY think the even financial split is fair? (I'm not sure what your situation is, and not trying to bust on your wife -- I honestly don't know).

I DO think your wife will have SERIOUS regrets. Whether or not she stayed with you, she owed it to you, and to herself, to try to work things out with you, WITHOUT a third person messing with her brain chemistry.

She's being selfish.

Puppy


***EDITED TO ADD:[/b]

[b]Yenko, it's been exactly 30 days since you said "I do want to fight for my marriage." Is 30 days all the 'fight' you have in you???

[yenko69]

No, the fight is not done yet. Just down on the mat for a little bit. I can't stop because it would not be the right thing to do for either of us, even though sometimes I don't "feel" like it. I just think she gets to set in her ways sometimes and not really sure she has it in her to make it back.

We were going to use the same attorney due to finances, but I think now it is a bad idea. I will still fight the divorce just not in the manner that she thinks. I just need to refine my strategies some.

As far as regrets go. Here is a direct quote from her.

"I know I will regret this someday, but I will deal with it then".

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yenko,

Somebody really wise whom I admire, just wrote this a little while ago, to another poster:

Two and half minutes left down by 9 we are receiving the K/O. Just had a decent return to the 38. You got hope or are you taking a knee?
Don't focus on her only what you control. Every defense they throw against you we have to have a effective response. Problem is we have never been in this situation before or practiced it just like this. But in reality we have practiced it and lived it. Be your own coach right now. When I struggle coaching I find my mentors and talk. When you look for players you want athletes but I also want players with heart. Never say die, practice until it's pitch black, watch film, push their teamates, work yr round,..... hard to define but you know what it is.
This battle isn't about her it's about how you respond to the adversity. Strength and Honor - mantra right before going into battle.
So it's first and ten on your own 38 down by 9, 2:18 on the clock, got hope?
_________________________

I felt led to show it to you.

To continue the coach's analogy, and regarding the "sharing the same attorney" issue, I can't think of how it would ever be a good idea for both teams on the field to be sharing the same head coach in this situation.

There's a reason they put that little "v" between the two parties of a legal matter.

Be wise.

Puppy

[yenko69]

That is a great post. Even when I seem to hit bottom there is always something inside that won't let me quit. I called an attorney a little while ago and hopefully she will take the case. If not I will have to go out of town to find one. I do need to look out for my best interests. I am not sure of the reaction I will get, not sure I really care either.

I also think I will start going full speed doing some things at the house to get it prepared to sell it. It would be in my best interest if she does D me to get rid of it as fast as I can. That and I think it will put some pressure on her to see some changes and what she is going to lose.

It is a nice day out, got the day off (not the best way to do it) a friend should be here shortly. Time to get those old cars some love that they need to make them shine.

My Chevelle at the moment could be almost an analogy of what is going on with this M. Beat up some, neglected and needs the hard work to make it beautiful again.

[Babygirl]

Hey yenko, reading your sitch, wow. so sorry man!! Its hard, but I tell ya, puppy really knows his business, i love reading his advice!
I dont know where you live, but I and H play a ton of softball. wouldnt it he wierd if we actually knew eachother from the ball field lol?? Sorry to meet another KS neighbor in a place like this, but hey we arent alone!!!
hugs!

[yenko69]

I live in NE kansas about 35 miles north of the capital. It would be kind of weird if you played on the same fields.

Well, yesterday I did mess up some. Went over to the garage and started doing some bodywork. I ended up drinking to many beers to early and did not want to talk to D11 in that condition. So I sent W a text

M: Tell the girls I love them and will call them tomorrow
M: Something came up talk to u tomorrow
W: Ok. U ok?
W: here we go again with the something came up
W: When are you going to stop using that excuse and start b-ing
honest
W: I worry when you act like this
W: is that why u do this is 2 try 2 get to me?
W: the least u can do is answer me and let me know ur ok
M: I am ok
W: R u even still at work?
M: Left work this morning
W: U need to quit shutting people out

She tried calling about 45 minutes later but I had the phone on silent.

Later that night
W: U doing ok
M: Yeah talk to u later
W: ok, i just wanted 2 check on u. Sorry 2 bother u.

Live and learn. I am working on a game plan to tell her about the getting another L. I just have to stay away from the alcohol until later in the evening.

[yenko69]

I have been sitting here this morning and I have been reevaluating my life, goals and beliefs. I reset my goals in life and I am going to work hard on them everyday. I have sunk into a pit and have just been laying there. Time to move on out and live life again.

I will still carry on the fight for my W. It is time to confront this whole A and quit side stepping it so much. No ultimatums just the truth. Her carrying on with someone else is no longer acceptable and it is time to tell her. If she D me then I am a much better person for this journey. If she comes back then I will do what it takes to make it work.

This battle isn't about her it's about how you respond to the adversity. Strength and Honor - mantra right before going into battle.

[lost_in_space]

Yenko

Here's my $.02 worth.

Stop worrying about what she wants. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Figure that out first and foremost. Once you are clear on that, you can figure out next steps. Many here will help you.

It took me a while to figure that out. I have put up with a lot of $hit in my sitch - more than many would say is worthwhile. When I get knocked down (and this is happening less frequently), I pick myself up and keep going. BUT I have, for the most part, realized I can only control ME. So I focus on me and my kids.

Trust me, it helps the sanity. The pain will not go away, but you can dull it somewhat... and believe me that helps.

Stay strong bud. Fight for what YOU want!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yenko,

How often do you drink so heavily that you can't go visit your kids as planned?

I'm going to be blunt: this (DBing, esp. when there is infidelit involved) is the single toughest thing you will have likely had to do in your life, and you're in for a long, tough battle REGARDLESS of which path you take. And the battle will take 12-24 months, on average.

You need to summon ALL of your wits about you, to protect yourself and your kids, and give yourself the best chance of restoring your marriage, if that's what you decide to do. Getting drunk before dinner on a workday, and disappointing your kids, is NOT very attractive to your wife, and NOT the condition you need to be in to face this storm.

Make no mistake -- THE STORM IS HERE. You can push thru it, or you can let it consume you.

It's your choice.

Puppy