NONE of this should surprise you. This is exactly how people behave when they are having an affair. Until she ends all contact with him, her behavior is going to be all over the map.
My advice would be to stop letting her reel you back in. ASSUME she is still having her affair, and go on with your own life. If she wants "space," give it to her (although it's really just code for "freedom to carry on my affair, unhindered by you), but don't initiate anything legal unless YOU want to.
Right now, you need to protect yourself emotionally, first. She got "involved with you so deeply" because you LET her, despite our warnings to you. Your wife needs to make a CHOICE. It is HER choice, and you cannot make it for her. But right now, she hasn't had to choose -- she's had both of you.
I"m sorry this hurts so much. I DO know how it feels.
