Puppy.. my spinning plate crashed

[Heartbroken]

Sandy,

I have been reading your sitch and felt a great desire to start posting again. I too have been almost exactly where you are. My H moved out to an apt and he too kept coming back and then changing his mind. He11, he even went to Retrouvaille with me Oct 2007 and STILL FILED FOR D in late November 2007!!!!!!!! But we still got through it. But if I would have quit and given him his way we would have been D by now... I think it kicked in for him when he realized he would lose my friendship as well as me...all along he thought we could remain friends b/c of our two kids but he was foolin' himself big time.

First thing you need to do is search on the boards the for postings about detachment - print them and read them daily. If you search the archives there was a lot from Grasshopper - his postings helped me so much.

Second, read read read what is out here and see how some of us made it and what we went through. If you feel you are in this for the long haul you have a way to go - it took me over 18 mos to get an ILY from my husband. He too was with one of my BEST friends - still in our area and still likely to "run" into her at the store (though I used to want to "run over her" at the store)...this whole process takes time and unfortunately only the WAS determines the timeline as much as we want things to move faster they will NOT.

You need to show him you will go on without him and believe it yourself. It will either attract him back our you will make yourself that much better to be in a lasting relationship. Right now he sees you as the non fun one, the weak one, and he just wants distance - you remind him of bad times and guilt as messed up as that sounds. He is in LALA land and he is not thinking logically.

Start doing things for YOU and your kids - START TO DETACH ASAP it will only help!

HB (not so much anymore )